


Hold Me & Show Me Love

by andiebeaword



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Spencer Reid Fandom
Genre: Angst, Banter, Bickering, CMKink Bingo, Cunnilingus, Developing Relationship, Dubious Mentions of Cheating, Emotional Affair, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Kissing, Maeve is sad, Mentions of Pregnancy, Missionary Position, Mutual Pining, Not the Same Man, Oral Sex, Post-prison Spencer, Pregnancy Kink, Reader is sad, Sexual Tension, Spencer is sad, Therapist/Patient relationship, Trying, Two Adorable Idiots in Love, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, anon request, crush confession, cursing, hot makeout session, maeve doesn't die, no one is happy, self-deprecation, therapist, weeks past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:14:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25744171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiebeaword/pseuds/andiebeaword
Summary: Fulfilling this Request: I know you're probably on hold for request but could you ever consider doing a reverse Maeve story. Where Spencer is in a troublesome relationship with Maeve and the reader is his geneticist/therapist and he starts to fall very in love with the reader. One day he asks her, "how do you know if you're falling in love with someone else?" No cheating is involved because reader refuses to be a side chick and a homewrecker but Spencer can't let her go past him.
Relationships: Maeve Donovan/Emily Prentiss, Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 29





	1. Steal My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cupcake525](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cupcake525/gifts).



> A/N: So...I was (and still am) very excited for this request! I did find out that the wonderful imagining-the-margins had this exact request on her masterlist tbw as "An Emotional Affair." So, to the anon(s) who requested it, I hope this satisfies your request. 
> 
> As I was writing this, I decided it should be a multi-parter. Right now, I am thinking three parts. Part 3 will definitely be smut. Part two will definitely be angst with a hint of fluff. 
> 
> Listened to Mindy Smith's One Moment More for inspiration & title.

\-------♥-------- 

"You're telling me I have to visit your mother...by myself?" 

It wasn't that I hated the idea of being alone with my boyfriend's mother, per se, but, the fact is, I have yet to meet the woman. It feels like just yesterday, Spencer and I were still on the phone, trying to keep our budding romance a secret. I was convinced I had a stalker, so I had to make Spencer promise to keep his distance until I was sure they had stopped bothering me. It was always welcoming to hear his voice after a rough day of wearing a wig and sunglasses. Turns out that Bobby, of all people, was my stalker. Spencer kept urging me to let his team at the BAU get involved. It ended up being terrible timing. 

Bobby had surprised me for an unplanned visit. It was a Sunday. The day I was expected to talk with Spencer. Because of our failed almost-date, Bobby knew what Spencer looked like when I didn't. I hadn't meant to lie to Spencer, but I also didn't want him to think that I would only love him for his mind and not the rest of him. Thankfully, Spencer knew something was wrong the second I wasn't by the phone at our designated call time. I later learned that he had his tech-friend, Penelope, track my phone, leading Spencer straight to me. 

His other teammate, J.J., was the one who took the shot that stole Bobby's life, saving mine. The first time Spencer saw me, I had bruises on my face and arms, while he looked like an angel swooping down to save me. Our first real date was awkward, to say the least. We made a vow to never talk about Bobby after that night. He showed me his entire collection of classics, taking careful time to explain to me, in detail, why each one held a special place in his heart. A place, he later told me, I belonged, too. 

We made love that night. It wasn't planned, just...happened naturally. The next day, Spencer caught sight of the obits section. I was briefly mentioned in Bobby's snippet as his fiance. That was a fact I never told Spencer. He wasn't mad. He simply expressed an interest in wanting to know why I chose not to disclose that information to him. When I gave him my answer, he seem satisfied, and we never spoke of it, again. 

Now, it's been four years; three since we decided to move into a place of our own. I figured after the Cat Adams fiasco, that Spencer would soon propose. Today, I felt I learned why. I haven't met Diana Reid, yet. Each time, Spencer would plan ahead, take time off work, something always came up that required that big, special brain of his. More times than not, those cases involved children. This time, Spencer had also thought ahead, but it wasn't a case that was keeping him away from the plane to Vegas. It was, in fact, his mother. 

"Maeve, honey, I need to drive down to Mexico. Mom's new pills were working, and--and she needs more. Please don't say anything to the team. I'll be fine, I promise. Mom really wants to meet you." 

Spencer had left for Mexico three hours ago. I was on a plane to Vegas. I was excited, nervous, and a little scared. He assured me that, while Diana didn't know where her medicine was coming from, her nurses did. I was also asked to help convince Diana that living with Spencer and I would be more beneficial for her than the Bennington Sanitarium. No pressure. A small part of me hoped that once Diana meets me, and is convinced to move to Virginia, Spencer will pick a date and propose to me. 

I should've known it was wishful dreaming. 

Not even five minutes after I stepped of the plane, Emily called. As I answered my phone expecting to explain why my boyfriend wasn't with me, it turns out his boss knew more than I did. "Maeve...you need to get down to Mexico. Spencer's been arrested." 

\-------♥-------- 

Three months. Eighty-seven nights I had to will myself to fall asleep with him near me. Over two-thousand hours of not hearing his laugh, or even hearing him say, 'I love you.' Spencer was sentenced to prison and it took his team three months to prove his innocence. During that time, Diana had agreed to move to Virginia with me, despite her son being in jail for a crime he didn't commit. His mother was allowed to see him, but, not me. 

I hated the way I saw J.J.'s face all lit up as she saw me waiting in the bullpen. Of course, her smile fell as the sight of me, knowing why I was even here. "Maeve," she sighed. "You know Spencer just doesn't want you to...to see him the way he is..." I know, like all of Spencer's teammates, J.J. means well. I just wasn't in the mood to hear it. 

I caught Emily clicking her heels on her way up to her office. I took in a short breath, making my way up behind her. "Hey, Emily, you got a minute?" Spencer's unit chief turned around, not looking at all surprised to see me here....again. 

"Sure, Maeve, but, as you know, Spencer won't change his mind." 

Oh, I knew. I was, however, hoping that his boss would use it in her power to help her best friend's girlfriend out in being allowed to visit him, even if it is completely against his wishes. "I know, stubborn, isn't he? Look, I get his reasons why, but I still feel it should also be my choice. I need to see him, Emily, please." 

I knew it was coming. None of them wanted to double cross their beloved friend, Dr. Reid. I even tried asking Penelope for help in slipping Spencer a hand-written note, once. She told me she had pulled it out of her purse to give it to him when the guards weren't looking, but, instead, she opted to end their visit in favor of not even allowing himself the temptation of wanting to open it. To read my words as if I was there, with him, and we were, as we should be, together. 

\-------♥-------- 

Spencer's been out of prison now for nine days. For the first fifteen hours, though, I wasn't told. I had come to find out that a hit woman Spencer had put away over a year ago was behind his false sentencing. She wanted to play another game with him. I should've been told. What happened could've been prevented. I could've protected Diana better. Instead, when a woman I'd never met before knocked on the door, saying she was here to take Diana back on her son's orders, I felt something was off. I was knocked out cold and Diana was gone. 

Spencer wasn't there when I woke up in the hospital. He wasn't there when I was discharged. When I finally got home, he was already passed out on the couch. I hated that I wanted nothing more than to snuggle up next him, even when he has barely acknowledged me in months. 

One day, during breakfast, Spencer casually mentioned that Emily was requiring him to begin attending regular therapy sessions as part of his reinstatement. His first meeting was scheduled for today at 1:00 p.m. I asked him if he would like me to come, but he politely declined, saying this was something he needed to do alone. We hadn't even kissed since he'd been released. I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get my Spencer back. 

\-------♥-------- 

Dr. Spencer Reid. That was the new name I was given, which belonged to a man I was scheduled to see today. Of all days. The day I spilled my coffee all over my last solid fabric blouse, now having to pull a suit jacket over the mesh one I was now wearing, which, given the right amount of light, could also showcase the brassiere I was also wearing. 

Have I mentioned I pretty much regret my hookup from last night? 

Being single at 30 wasn't exactly on my list of accomplishments in life, but, here I am. I am drowning in hot men who can give a girl a great night, but have absolutely no table-talk manners to save their horny lives. 

So, here I was, in my office, looking frazzled at best, when a young, gorgeous man walked in, clearing his throat as he took a seat on the couch in front of me. "Ju-just a moment, and I promise, I'll be right with you." 

He smiled one of those smiles that could spark fireworks, but right away, I could see the pain and conflict that darkened them, once more. "Oh, it--it's fine. I know I'm a little early." He was. I glanced at the paperweight clock on my desk. 12:42 p.m. I had time to kill before our scheduled time slot, why not? 

"Dr. Spencer Reid, I presume?" I asked, trying desperately to not sound as seductive or sexy as I was pretty sure I looked. I watched his eyes rake up my silhouette, slowly, like it'd been a while since he'd seen a woman. I did note that he was required to be here in part because he was wrongfully convicted and suffered in prison for three months. Guessing I must be a sight for sore eyes, then. "Well, as long as you don't mind, um, we can just have casual chatter." When Spencer looked up at me with wide eyes, I coughed on instinct. "Shit, I'm sorry, I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Feel free to just call me Y/N while we're in here." 

"Y/N....it's a beautiful name." 

I giggled at his compliment. The majority of the patients I see pretty much just want to talk about themselves, not really caring to acknowledge that while I'm getting paid to listen to their struggles and demons, I am a human being, too. "Thank you, Dr. Reid." 

"Spencer, please." 

I felt a patch of pink form on my cheeks as I lowered my head to run my eyes over the paperwork that had been faxed over on him. I dared a glance at my clock once more, noting we now had five minutes until his appointment was to begin. "Care to begin your session, Doct---Spencer?" He chuckled a little, not bringing his eyes up to meet mine. 

"I guess so. It's not like I have a choice." I frowned at this. Therapy should still be a choice. Nothing I can say or do is going to help him if he mentally checks out every hour he is stuck here. I wasn't aware how much time had passed in the midst of the silence between us until Spencer spoke up. "Go ahead. I know you want to ask." 

My brain knew he was implying about his three month stint in prison. We both know that's the real reason he is stuck here. My heart desperately wanted to ask him if he was single. "I don't have to ask, Spencer. The reason we both know you're here in in your file." I raised it off my desk, eyeing it, then returning my gaze back to him. "That being said, I would like to ask you, how have you been coping since being released?" I knew there were a million other ways I could have worded my question, but once they left my mouth, I couldn't take them back. 

"Y/N...I'm here because clearly, I haven't been coping with much of anything since being out." If I could slap myself without looking like a fool, I would. His answer made sense, but I continued to ignore my instincts and proceeded to see just how far I could get my foot in my mouth. 

"Spencer, if I may ask, don't you have anyone in your life you feel you can talk to about...what you went through?" I felt a rush of fear leave my throat. I tried to understand why. Surely a man his age would have someone, a friend, a co-worker, a girlfriend....

"No." 

"I beg your pardon?" 

For a brief moment, we both froze. I saw Spencer's gaze slowly travel from my heels to my face. He lets out a breathy sigh, and I suddenly hated how my knees just buckled without my permission. "I do...I--I have someone...a few someones...but, I don't know, I can't let them see me like this.." Lord help me, because I might as well count my blessings. 

"..See you like what?" 

There was a part of me that nearly expected him to recoil and excuse himself for the remainder of our hour. I couldn't tell which part of me was relieved when he simply folded his hands in his lap and turned to look back at me. "...weak..." His voice was so hoarse and quiet, I almost missed it. I made sure to slightly lean forward, carefully uncrossing my legs. 

"Spencer...I don't think you---"

"WEAK! Y/N!" He stood up from his chair, almost knocking it over. I wanted to say he wasn't weak, but I knew that assumption would only make matters worse. His eyes bore into mine with an anger I hadn't become familiar with since starting my practice. I lost my voice as he took a step towards me, placing his calloused hands on the smooth edges of my desk. I couldn't tear my eyes off those hands of his. They looked soft, but I detected a few cuts and scrapes that seemed pretty recent. Without thinking, I reached out to touch the one closest to me. The second I felt his warmth through my fingertips, Spencer shot up from his position, backing up towards his chair. "So-sorry, Y/N. I--I, um, maybe I should go." 

"Wait!" I bit my lip, thankful my voice returned, quiet as it was. "Spencer, wait." I saw we still had ten minutes left. I wanted to make each one of them count. "I may not know you, but I'll bet my life on the fact that you are not weak." Spencer dryly chuckled at my statement. He turned to face me, his eyes glistening in the light that shined from my window. 

"That's a bold assumption, isn't it, Y/N?" It was. He wasn't wrong. I had one last question to ask him. One, I hoped would bring out the answer I was looking for. 

"Spencer, what exactly is your goal with attending therapy?" I figured even if he didn't have what he felt was an answer, any response could very well be useful in my favor. 

"Goal? I--I don't really have one," he sighed, sulking his height down by an inch or two. "I know that I am required to see you for twelve weeks." He moved to sit down once more, blowing a raspberry, then licking his lips. "After that, it'll be your word that decides if I am able to be reinstated or not." My word. That gave me an idea. 

"Okay, Spencer. How about this...we'll take this however slow you need to. As long as you are able to open up to me and work through all that happened in those three months, I don't see why you can't be reinstated when the time comes." 

Spencer nods curtly, moving to stand up from his chair, once again. This time, he steps towards me, opening his arms out. Not caring about professionalism all that much, I lean into him, allowing him to engulf me in the most protective hug I've ever received. I gingerly let my hands wrap around his chest, feeling his hands on the small of my back. I swear I could hear his heartbeat while feeling his breath hitch above me. 

"Ahem." 

Spencer untangled himself from my embrace slowly, the both of us looking to see who interrupted our short hug. I saw his face pale, as the woman standing in the doorway gave me a small smile. "Hi, honey. Emily said your appointment would end about...now. How about I take you out for a late lunch?" I glanced down at her left hand. No ring. So...girlfriend. "Oh, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Hi, I'm Maeve. Spencer's girlfriend." 

"Y/N, Dr. Reid's therapist, pleasure to meet you, Maeve." Figures he's taken. All the good ones are. "I was just telling Spencer that it would benefit him to open up and talk to someone close to him outside of our sessions." Just as I saw Maeve's face light up, Spencer's frowned into a stern pout. 

"Would you please encourage him to talk with me? I've been trying every day since he got out, and, to be honest, I feel I've gotten nowhere." 

"Maeve, Dr. Y/L/N here is simply doing her job," Spencer sighed. "I can't promise anything, but I'll try." The two of them moved to the door, Spencer glancing back as his girlfriend disappeared behind it. "I'll uhh, see you next week, same time, right?" 

I nodded my head, already fighting inside which part of me will be braver next time; my head or my heart. "Of course. Got you penciled in, already." 

~~*~~

"Dr. Y/L/N seems like a nice, welcoming person." 

Spencer and I are sitting at what has become our favorite cafe and bookstore. I noted that he hasn't really bothered to look me in the eyes since we left his new therapist's office. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought I'd interrupted something. I shook my head, taking a bite out of my cupcake. "Yeah....she is--you okay?" I froze. No. I'm not okay. I don't know if we're even okay. 

"Sorry, just a little frazzled with work, um, what about you?" Spencer didn't even miss a beat. 

"Well, Maeve, I am in therapy." His voice was cold, again. I hated it. I didn't understand why. He sounded so warm and sincere when I came to get him for lunch. Normally, I wasn't the type to get jealous. But, I also knew I couldn't ignore the signs as they appeared. 

Spencer was falling out of love with me. 

And he was already infatuated with his therapist. His fucking therapist. 

The next thing to come out of my mouth was albeit, harsh, but necessary. "Spencer, do you still love me?" I peeked up at him, already noting how his gaze was frantically searching for anything to rest on besides me. I hadn't realized that, even though I asked him, I never prepared myself for the answer I may or may not get. 

"Maeve, I--" I wanted to say I gave him plenty of opportune time to be straight with me. I was now at my wits end. I never fancied ultimatums. So, I offered Spencer something else. 

"Spencer, look, I love you. But, even I have noticed that you've pulled away....even before today." I did want him to know I understood that this was never about cheating. Well, except maybe with our hearts. "Your therapy is ten weeks, right?" I knew he had told me, but, while I am a brilliant geneticist, he was the only one with an eidetic memory. 

"Twelve, actually." 

"Okay, twelve. I propose we both try to work this out. See if the spark we once had is still there, or if we've changed more than either of us care to admit. If, by the time your therapy is over, and we decide to break up, I will then move out. No hard feelings." As big a person as I had sounded just now, it was all a facade. I wanted, more than anything, to feel that 'falling in love' feeling with him all over again. To know he only got flustered when I was the one causing goosebumps to appear on his skin. 

Spencer moved to bring his satchel up over his head. "Maeve, please know I do love you. But, those three months I...it's just," he sighed, running a hand through his luscious locks I always wanted to pull on whenever I had the chance. "I--you knew me be-before. I don't know if I can ever be who I was...again." The weight of his words hit me like a crashing bullet. "I'll try." His words hung out in the air as he turned to leave me there with a half-eaten cupcake, and a heart that sunk, desperate to try and float. 

"I'll try." 

\-------♥--------


	2. Keep Me Everywhere You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer slowly begins to fall out of love with Maeve and in love with Reader. She's finding herself fall for him, too. Maeve suspects her boyfriend pulling away and finds a very intriguing items in his sock drawer to help let Reader know who Spencer belongs to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I was (and still am) very excited for this request! I did find out that the wonderful Pom had this exact request on her masterlist tbw as "An Emotional Affair." I am very thankful she let me take it off her hands. So, to the anon(s) who requested it, I hope this satisfies your request. And a special thanks to cupcake525 for feeding me ideas and encouragement. Listened to Mindy Smith's One Moment More for inspiration & title.

\-------♥-------- 

Five weeks. 

That's how long I've been attending therapy now. Honestly, I thought I was going to be told I'd been given a different therapist after, not only my uncalled for outburst, but also the way Maeve just walked in on what was meant to be a private conversation. I know I promised her that we would work towards getting back to where we were, prior to my incarceration, but I just don't believe I can ever be that man again. 

I am also five weeks deep in being completely enamored by Y/N. I can't put my finger on it, but, simply the fact that the me I am now is the only me she's ever known; I'm discovering new feelings I just never felt before, even with Maeve. Y/N had no past experience with who I was, no man from before to compare and contrast. It made me feel good. Real good. 

Today marks week six and I'm a nervous wreck as usual. 

"Hi Spencer, early as usual, I see," Y/N said, holding the door open for me to walk in and take my seat across from her. "So, how is Maeve?" Her question caught me a bit off guard. Why is she asking about her? I'm the patient, here. 

"Maeve? Uh, yeah, she's good....we're good." I cough a little. "Why do you ask?" 

"Spencer. You're in therapy. You need a support system, and a girlfriend is a good place to start." At her words, my heartbeat picks up involuntarily. It was almost as if saying the word 'girlfriend' stung her mouth. I tried desperately not to read further into it. 

"Right, um," I started, contemplating just how much I honestly felt like sharing. "...see, Maeve and I, we're going through a rough patch, I guess." I gulped. It sounded similar to a pin drop. 

"Spencer, I--I'm sorry to hear that." 

"We're giving it another try," I said, dryly. I meant what I said to Maeve that day at lunch. Before driving to Mexico, I bought a ring. A simple gold band with a small diamond. While inside, I kept thinking I'd hear that she found it, wedged in the far right corner of my sock drawer. There was a part of me that hoped she'd have found it, proudly wearing it when I was finally released. We just can't seem to connect the way we once had. 

"That's good, Spencer. I'm glad," Y/N says softly, reaching across her desk for a small stack of papers. "Alright, our session starts now. Have you been sleeping more regularly?" She flips through the papers, stopping when she must have found the right one. "Last week you stated that you believe you averaged 32 hours per week. Has that changed?" 

My honest answer is yes. Two days this past week, I've been lucky to get two winks in before my phone goes off, be it Garcia or Emily. Out of habit, I rub my eyes just at the thought that tonight might as well be one of those nights, too. "Spencer, getting even less sleep than that could be detrimental to your overall health." I heard her take in a sharp breath before continuing. "Ha--have you and, um, Maeve---" I knew what she was going to say. I hated the tone my voice took next. 

"No." I looked up at Y/N just after the word left my mouth. 

She quickly cleared her throat, giving me a sympathetic look in return. I hated it. I also hated how she chose to ignore the obvious by asking me another question. "Is there a big choice in your life that you find you've been struggling with?" This woman is going to be the death of me, I just know it. My tongue suddenly swelled inside my mouth, cutting off any efforts I would've had to explain myself. Y/N's emotionless face turned up into a smirk as I watched her rise from her seat and saunter in my direction. I gulped. Hard. 

"I---I, um, Y/N---" I made the stupid mistake of looking her in the eyes. She exuded a strange level of confidence I hadn't seen up to this point before. As her hand grazed mine, I jolted up from my chair. "I--uhh, look at the time, I uhh, guess I'll see you next week." I knew we still had thirteen minutes left. That was thirteen minutes too long for her to clearly sink her teeth in me. I didn't want to go home. I also didn't trust myself an longer to stay here. 

"Dr. Reid," Y/N spoke in a stern tone. "I'm sure it's no secret by now that I find you ridiculously attractive." Her breath fanned my face as her hair tickled my ear. I hated how I froze in that moment. My eyes slowly worked their way up to hers, careful not to make any sudden movements. "But..." She pulled her face away, just as our lips brushed together. "You are in a committed relationship." Y/N sighed as she straighten up and walked back to her chair behind her desk. I let out a sigh of relief. I know she clocked it. "With ten minutes left, I have one last question for you." I nodded. "In the recent past, have either of you done or said something that made the other feel like a disappointment?" I could she knew she hit a nerve, the way I clenched my fist, choosing to avert my gaze from her general direction. 

"Frankly, Ms. Y/L/N, that is none of your business." 

Y/N rose from her seat once more, this time, a look of seldom sadness graced her soft face. "Please, let me make one thing clear, Dr. Reid," her tone sounded scythed with a thickness I didn't recognize. "You're right. It is none of my business whose cunt you choose to stick your dick in," Y/N said with gritted teeth. "However," her voice soften a little, "It is my job to make sure, as your therapist, that you are progressing through each session. A big part of that is having someone outside of this room to talk to about why you're here in the first place." 

Y/N glanced over at the clock on the wall, turning back to me with an odd smile creasing her lips. "Time's up, Dr. Reid. I look forward to seeing you next week." 

\-------♥-------- 

"Fuck, Spencer!" I screamed his name like a curse, knowing, even in the pit of my stomach, that he wishes I was someone else. He intertwined our fingers much the way he used to, burying his head against my neck, leaving hollow kisses along my jawline. I feel my eyes flutter shut and my body stiffen against him. I'm sure he noticed. 

"Baby, what's wrong?" Oh, honey, where do I begin? I wish I could blame him entirely for our current situation. He has been trying. But then, one day she called him. Something about needing to reschedule their session as she was going out of town. I'd never seen his smile dissipate so quickly before. Like she blew the light out in him. I almost wished I could've eavesdropped on that conversation. It made me miss back when we first started talking, when he was getting his headaches. It almost felt like he was replacing me...with, well, me. "Maeve, sweetie, are you okay?" He already pulled out, nestling his body against mine in our bed. I knew he was already slipping away. Even if he hadn't realized it, himself. I felt the tension in her office the day I met her. 

"Yeah, I--um, is your session today?" I knew the answer. I swear even Spencer knew I knew. Today marked nine weeks. That meant there was still three more weeks where he was required to go see Y/N. I needed to do something. I knew Spencer loved me. I never doubted that he cares for me. I decided that I needed to talk to Emily, maybe even J.J. Someone who sees him when I'm not around, possibly profile him for me to calm my growing nerves. 

"Maeve. You know it is," Spencer sighed, pulling me into one of his signature hugs. "Just one more month. Then Emily will have me reevaluated, and, depending on Y/N's recommendation, I may or may not have to continue therapy." Continue? I whipped around to look him dead in the eyes. 

"So, if she feels you need additional sessions, then Emily's going to approve that?" I didn't even care that I was starting to come undone. All that woman has to do is say the word and she'll get to have more time with my boyfriend. 

"Well, yeah. She only wants me at my best while I'm out in the field, you know that." I did. He knew I did. I was beginning to wonder if he was truly overlooking my jealousy or just pretending it didn't even exist. We ate our late breakfast in silence. I noticed this time when Spencer left to go to his therapy session, he didn't tell me he loved me. It used to fall of his tongue, like a mantra, whenever we had to part for whatever reason. I really was losing him. 

After getting ready to go talk to Emily, I decided to steal a pair of Spencer's lucky mismatched socks. I used to gently tease him in the silliest of ways for wearing them, especially at work. Now, I'm hoping that, in doing so, it will bring me luck where I feel I'm failing to have any. As I'm sifiling through, trying to find a left sock and a right sock I liked, I find a small velvet box. I felt my heart break slowly as I cracked the box open to reveal an engagement ring. One I know is meant for me. Or, at least, it was meant for me. Makes me wonder exactly when he was sure. When he got out of prison? Before? I wish I knew. I snapped the box shut, shoving it back in the corner of his sock drawer. I hastily grabbed my purse and ran out the door. 

While in the car, I dialed Emily. 

Emily📲: "Hello? Maeve? Is everything okay?" 

\-------♥-------- 

knock, knock

I knew it was him. 12:55 p.m. right on the dot. I scrambled out of my chair, quickly and desperately trying to maintain any sort of composure I should be having at this moment. Eight weeks. It has been eight fucking weeks since I not only met Spencer, but also, his girlfriend. It's also been six weeks since I discovered I harbored a crush on him. Five weeks since I caught him staring at me for forty-five seconds too long. Four weeks since I bit my lip in his direction, causing him to cough in response. Three weeks since he stopped coming in fifteen minutes early. Two weeks since I noticed he developed a habit of fidgeting whenever our hands touched, slightly. And, just last week, he spent a good portion of our session looking everywhere but at me. I was beginning to think whatever we had (or my mind pretended we had) was lost in the void, a rabbit hole I scolded myself for even thinking of crawling down. 

"Just a minute," I called out to him through the door. Normally, I leave it unlocked, so that I don't have to remove myself from my perch; but today, I was feeling needy, and wanted a bit of privacy before my now least favorite session of the week. I unlock the door, twisting the knob just enough to crack it open, peering up at the man who steals the vocabulary from my mouth, every time my eyes meet his. "H-Hi," I clear my throat. "Come on in, Spencer." I tried not to notice the way he flinched when I said his name. Almost like it...hurt him to hear my voice say it. I watched him take his usual seat across from mine, not bothering to face me, his eyes shifting from foot to foot. 

"Y/N..." Spencer started, leaving me waiting to see if he had more to say. When he closes his mouth, I assume he opted against saying whatever had come to mind. Not wanting to sit in silence for much longer, I dove right in with the one question I had been dreading asking him since our last session. It involved Maeve. 

"Our session has begun, now," I sighed, looking his way as he clearly struggled to lift his head up and focus his eyes on me. "So, Spencer, this is week eight. Feeling better than you were when we first met?" It's a standard question I ask all my patients. I would be no good at my job if their answers were 'no.' I hear him sigh heavily, drifting his eyes around the room. 

"Fine. Sure, I suppose...." Spencer's voice got quiet. I have learned in these past seven weeks that he does that when he's thinking. Probably somewhere along a thousand words a minute. I tried to wait for him to collect his thoughts, to sort them into comprehensive words that string into sentences, but I was far too impatient for that. 

"Spencer," I noticed, quickly, how my voice put a stop in his tracks. "Tell me, who do you call on when your heart hurts?" I'm met with the classic deer-in-the-headlights look. Typical when that particular question is being asked. Most who sit in the patients' chair assume too quickly, not entirely hearing the foundation built withing the question. 

"I see, here, I'll give you an example." I pause when my eyes catch the way his Adam's apple bobs as he gulps in front of me. Almost like he's afraid of what example I have that I'm about to share. Clearing my throat, I continue, "I talk to...my brother when my heart hurts." Spencer's head shoots up and, for the first time in a good while, he looks directly at me. 

"Anthony? But, you said he wa---"

"Dead, yes. He is." 

Weeks ago, I trusted Spencer with a bit about myself that none of my other patients know. I lost my brother to cancer when I was only nineteen. "Why...him?" Now, here comes the hard part. 

"Well, um, I talk to him because, well, even though, logically, I know he can't listen, or whatever, um, to me, he uhh, I---" I take in a breath. "I allow myself to believe he can hear me. And, as stupid as it may sound, I want to believe so bad that I know what he would say to be if he were here." I take a moment to catch myself, not wanting to cry in front of Spencer right now. "Um, say---say something to make me laugh, please." 

As I'm clutching my stomach with one hand, my other is combing through my hair, landing over my eyes, already knowing my eyeliner is now smudged. "Uhh, um, well--" I giggled a little, the man had a dangerously cute stutter. I uncovered my eyes, daring to look right at him, silently telling him to please continue. "Okay, well, you know, um, being a genius and a good profiler, I actually can tell you exactly what you're thinking." 

Oh. Can he now? "Oh yeah?" 

"Yep," Spencer said, popping his 'p.' "In fact, I now have complete access to all of your inner most thoughts." I could practically hear the confidence in him rising, as I also felt my own heart pumping just a smidge faster. 

"Alright, 187," I straighten myself up a bit, gauging his reaction, "What am I thinking...right now?" My eyes went wide involuntarily, catching the start of a smirk creasing his facial features. 

"Ah," Spencer states, his smile now wide with glee, his hand pointing up towards the ceiling. "You're thinking...'I am so glad that Dr. Reid is making a joke and that he can't actually read my mind." Bastard. Cocky, beautiful, sexy BASTARD. I could only assume by the grin that was still plastered to his gorgeous lips, that he could read my entire face from his spot in the chair. 

"No." I said, all too quickly. I knew I was blushing, but I tried (and failed) to hide it from the astounding doctor. "Well--Actually....you know, um...Yes." I said, blinking up at him, conveying with my eyes that he won. Spencer began removing himself from the chair, towering over in my direction. "But," I raised a hand, my index finger pointing rather accusingly at him. "But...." I repeated. "Not for the reason...you would think." I finished my outloud train of thought in what was barely above a whisper. 

"Not for the reas---What reason do I think, then?" There was that stupid, cocky attitude of his, again. I noticed over these past weeks, whenever I would slip and start flirting, he strangely would flirt back. I tried to stand strong, knowing he has a girlfriend waiting for him at home, but, no matter how many times I've tried; I just can't shake this feeling everytime we banter back and forth, much like what we're doing, now. 

"You know what, Einstein? Whatever you want," I let my hands make the universal 'I don't care' motion, giving him a flat, dull smile in return. If he was being completely honest with me, and he was actually a 'good profiler,' then my secret was already out; and to the one person who, with that particular information, could tear at the very fabric which I was now allowing to hold me together. Sometimes, I really hated my heart. And who it apparently beat for. 

"..You're blushing, you know?" Shit. Okay, I officially hate profilers. Well, the one sitting across from me now, specifically. Except, I hate him because he is trying to uncover my unrequited feelings for him that I want left buried deep, deep down. 

"And you, Dr. Reid, have a girlfriend." I deadpanned. Spencer immediately shrunk within himself, backing up until he stumbled into the chair he'd been sitting in. Another bout of silence fills the four walls we've been enclosed within, and again, I couldn't take the lack of conversation. 

"Spencer, who helps heal your heart?"  
"Y/N, how do you know when you're falling in love with someone else?" 

Another unwanted wave of silence washed over us and we both tried desperately to process the other's question. I felt my knees buckle beneath me, thankful I was still sitting in my chair. Falling in love with...someone else? Did he? No. But...did he mean what I think he means? Suddenly, I could no longer trust myself or my gut to stop me from doing anything short of foolish and unprofessional. Just as I manage to aim my eyes at his, I see his mouth start to move. "..You." I choked a little on the air that hadn't left my lungs yet. 

"Ex-excuse me?" I stuttered, abandoning his question that was meant for me entirely, purely focused on the answer he gave mine. I still refused to believe even my own ears. Sure, over these past few weeks, I've marginally allowed myself to fantasize over what it might be like to have someone like Spencer as a lover, a soulmate, but to hear him question his feelings for...her, even for, maybe...me? All at once, I felt Spencer's hand on mine, his other on the small of my back, slowly helping me stand up from my chair. 

"I believe you heard me, Y/N," Spencer mused, dipping his head down, his lips carefully brushing the taut skin of my neck. My eyes fluttered shut involuntarily, my focus quickly zeroing in on how his teeth and tongue felt as he nibbled and swiped across my flesh. I wanted, more than anything in this moment, to kiss Spencer. But, my morals got the better of me. As far as I understood, he was still with..Maeve. I never cared to be the 'homewrecker' type before, and I wasn't about to start now. 

"Spencer, I--we--" I caved. The second his lips were on mine, I fucking melted. God, I hated how easily I became putty in his soft, delectable hands. I hated how perfect it felt when his tongue swiped over every inch of my mouth, erupting a guttural moan from within. I felt his hands roam over my ribs, settling just under my breasts. My own hands traveled up his back, finding their home tangled in his messy mop of wildly curly golden brown hair. God, I had been dying to revel in the feeling of running my fingers through his luscious locks ever since he first stepped foot in my office. Spencer's mouth left mine, traveling down my neck, settling securely on my pulse point. "Fuuuccckkkk..." I could feel myself surrendering control as he bit down, sending shocks of pain and sweet pleasure to every nerve within my body. I remained blinded by the intense feelings he was setting afire within me, that I barely registered his mouth finding my nipple and sucking it in with sheer delight. I swear my brain short circuited with each flick of his tongue over just the right spot, taking the bud between his teeth and pulling just enough to erupt a squeal from deep within me. His left hand wasn't at all lazy, his fingers massaging and flicking at my hardened nipple, crawling toward the strap of my bra, hooking it around, ready to snap it off. 

That's when I panicked. 

"Shit! Spencer..." I did my best to separate my entire being from him, putting as much distance as possible while I awaited the rest of my breath to catch up with me. I also hated that I loved how swollen his lips looked as I watched him struggle to maintain his once steady posture. The clear tent in his trousers did absolutely nothing to help my current inner predicament. "I--I think it's rather safe to say I've developed an unprofessional attraction to you, but you have a---" 

Spencer chose to swallow my words and he chased my tongue once more. I also hated just how easily I gave in to his touch. God damn, why did I always have to fall for the complicated ones? "Y/N...please, I--I plan to end things with her." Now that did get my complete, undivided attention. I pulled away from his embrace once more, shoving my hands in a criss cross fashion underneath my boobs. 

"You plan to end..things?" I wanted more of an explanation than that. Thankfully, Spencer seemed more than willing to oblige. He hooked an index finger under my chin, slightly smirking at me as I submitted to him, without question. 

"Yes," he whispered. "We tried, I tried..but," Spencer sighed, giving me a knowing look that this was going to be more explanatory than normal. "Maeve can't seem to see me for who I am, anymore. She, uhh, she seems to want to 'help' me go back to the man I used to be. Before I ended up in prison." Ouch. Admittedly, there's a small part of me which wishes I could've known Spencer before he got wrongfully sent to a federal prison for three months. However, that same small part is quite pleased to know that the truth means far more. "Y/N..you only see me as the man I know I am, now. The man who spent twelve lonely weeks in solitude. When I first met you, I honestly wanted to fix things with Maeve, I--I did love her." My heart broke on it's own, a little, at the sound of his voice when it cracked. "But....then I fell in love with you." A tear traveled down my cheek as I watched Spencer's thumb swipe it away. I wanted to fall inside the fantasy. To let Spencer sweep me off my feet like Cinderella. But, sadly, I knew he still had...attachments. Almost like he could hear me, Spencer answered my gut-driven question. "I plan to let her go..tonight." A small smile crept up my cheeks. Taking a quick glance at the clock, I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, silently letting him know our session had come to an end. 

"Spencer," I cleared my throat, for what felt like the hundredth time, today, "We have four more sessions before your evaluation with the Bureau." He nodded his head. "So, would you want a different therapist or..." I felt my breath hitch as he slowly walked two fingers up my neck, "..can we remain professional until then?" I felt his breath hot on my throat, wishing we had time for him to bend my over my desk. 

No. He needs to go end things with...her. Then there will be fun to be had. 

I stumbled, slightly, over to the door, careful to not lean on it too much, knowing Spencer would pick up on exactly what he'd been doing to me. "Pleasure, as always, to see you again, Dr. Reid. Until next week, then?" 

Spencer smirks, using two of his fingers to coax me closer to him. I hated that I obliged. Directly in my ear, he whispered, "Oh, I plan to have you tonight...if you, um, let me?" He dialed back from confident and filthy Spencer to, I guess normal Spencer? Either way, I was more turned on than I really wanted to admit. Before I could give him a definitive answer, he adds, "Preferably at your place, I--um, well, you know..." I sensed that he assumed he just killed my mood. I chose to let him know I'd be waiting for him, instead. 

"Well, you have my number, Doctor. Just let me know when you're leaving, and I'll be waiting." I wasn't at all confident as to if I sounded slutty or not, I just hoped the morning would bring beautiful bruises to every inch of my soon-to-be exposed skin. Spencer leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek, waving farewell as he skipped down the hall, towards the stairs. I couldn't help the flutters in my stomach at the thought and image of his skipping just for me. I carefully shut the door, walking over to straighten out my desk area, organizing my folders for the following morning. 

knock, knock

Spencer? I glided over to the door, wondering just what reason he would give me for wanting to not wait until tonight. The second I opened the door, my heart shattered as it fell about fifty feet from the cloud I had been floating on. 

"Oh, hi, Y/N. Um, have you seen Spencer?" 

Maeve carefully placed her left hand up on the outer part of the door, a sparkly glimmer shining from her ring finger. 

\-------♥--------


	3. Maybe ... Maybe I'll Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is heartbroken and decides to hide from Spencer. A little help from her best friend is just what she needs. Maeve and Spencer talk and ultimately break up. Emily consoles Maeve, while J.J. comforts Spencer. By the following Wednesday, Spencer and Reader can't avoid each other anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I was (and still am) very excited for this request! I did find out that the wonderful Pom had this exact request on her masterlist tbw as "An Emotional Affair." So, to the anon(s) who requested it, I hope this satisfies your request. Again, special shoutout to cupcake525 for continuously inspiring my writing. Listened to Mindy Smith's One Moment More for inspiration & title.

\-------♥--------

"Have you seen Spencer?" I purposely placed my left hand on the door, curling my fingers over the edge, just so the light would hit the ring on my finger, perfectly. To say that seeing the color drain from her perfectly cute and hideous face did wonders to my self-conscious was truly an understatement.

"Oh, um, well...he just, uhh, left." I watched her eyes take quick glances at my ring...several times. As much fun as I knew it would be to mess with Y/N even more, there was some damage control to take care of back at home. No doubt Spencer is already packing a bag, ready to confess his stupid misplaced feelings to her...instead of me.

"Perfect. Well, I guess you'll see him next week then?" I tried to make light of what I already knew to be a difficult moment. If Spencer has already spilled his lovesick guts to her before I made it here, then showing up and letting her see the rock on my finger was simply an added bonus. I do feel a little bad that Emily, of all people, helped me more than she ever thought she would.

"If he shows up. Have a nice night, Maeve." The tone in which she spit out my name told me Spencer had expressed his choice to her. Picking her when all I ever wanted was for him to always continue choosing me. I gave Y/N a small wave, not even bothering with a goodbye. I pulled out my phone to give Spencer a call.

Spencer📲: Hello?

Me📲: Hi honey, I was just at Ms. Y/L/N's office. Sorry I missed you, are you home? I wanted to hear him say he was, hoping he'd spare me the sadness of hearing he doesn't want to see me tonight.

Spencer📲: Maeve, I---I'm home. Listen, I--we need to talk. We need to talk. There were some words I never thought I'd hear come out of his mouth...like that.

Me📲: Oh, okay. Well, I'm heading home then. See you soon. I hung up before he could say anything else that my ears would burn from, later.

-

The drive back to our apartment was quiet, yet my head was screaming at me. I hated that I saw this coming. Spencer looked more and more alive since going to his required therapy sessions with her. I could tell she was attracted to him the first time we met. Can't say I blame her there, Dr. Spencer Reid is truly quite the catch. I just couldn't help but wonder why he stopped being in love with me? Did he still love me when he first met Y/N? I kept these questions on a loop in my head as I carried myself up the stairs. I went to place my key in the lock, but the door opened, Spencer in the foyer, looking sad, but also...relieved?

"Hi, Maeve," was all I heard him say. I nodded, moving to place my purse down in its usual spot on the table by the wall, just under the mirror. I had an inkling at to what was coming, but still I tried to pretend I never bothered to notice it. "We need to talk...about the fact that I'm in love with Y/N." There it was. Again, I opted to play dumb, knowing it wasn't going to amount to anything more than hurt.

"Spence..c'mon, stop. Please, just stop. I know you still love me." I walked over to take his hands in mine. Just as we touched and I felt his thumbs rub over my knuckles, he pulled away. Shit. I realized all too late that I was still wearing the ring. The very same engagement ring that he had tucked away in his sock drawer, having never proposed to me with it.

"You--you found it?" Spencer's voice didn't sound upset or angry. What broke my heart was that he sounded...sad. I watched him rake his fingers through his soiled curls, bringing them down to his eyes, rubbing them ever so profusely. "While I was still in prison, I half-hoped you'd find it and wear it when visiting me." So, earlier this year, he had still been in love with me. Maybe...maybe there is still hope for the two of us.

"I, um, I didn't find it until after you started therapy." For whatever reason, all the anger I had back at Y/N's office quickly dissipated the longer I spoke with Spencer. His presence had a way of doing that. Making me feel calm and safe. It's one of the many things I love about him. "Look, Spencer, please, can we figure out our feelings here first?" I never thought a question like that could hit a nerve within him, but sure enough, he made sure to prove me wrong.

"Maeve, didn't you hear what I said earlier? I am in love with Y/N." His voice rose in tone, making me wish I had rephrased my wording better. "I--I loved you, Maeve. So much. But, honestly, ever since I got sent to prison, then came back; things between us just haven't been the same." Before I could open my mouth to respond, Spencer continued. "I never intended on falling in love with my therapist of all people, but, then again, I remember not exactly intending on catching feelings for my geneticist, either." Was he trying to soften the blow here, or what? "Maeve, ever since I got out, I feel like you would rather have me go back to who I was---before, and, well, I just can't." Had I? I moved to go take a seat over on the couch. Spencer followed, sitting down next to the armrest, keeping his eyes on me.

"Spencer, it's just---you seemed distant. It was almost like you still weren't really here." I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. This was going to be even harder than I had initially thought. "But then, when Emily said that you had been assigned to a therapist, well, I thought that it was a blessing in disguise." Oh how hard I had to bite on those words now. "Of course, never in a million years did I believe you would fall in love in them." I know I sounded bitter, but, really, what other way should I sound when I know my boyfriend of four years plans to leave me for someone else?

"Maeve, look--we tried. I tried. I didn't set out to actively fall in love with her. Hell, I even told her that I wished you and I had already been engaged before I ever left to go to Mexico." Oh. Well, that was new. I turned to face him, unsure of what to say. Thankfully, Spencer continues. "I just---I know you wanted us to work, and I did too, I really did."

"But, you can't help who you fall in love with." From the shocked look on his face, I could tell that Spencer was just as surprised as I was at my words. However, they were true. "I get it. I thought I lost you when Emily told me you had gotten yourself arrested down there." I remembered feeling sad and alone. Emily had been there, been the shoulder I could cry on, and I did. "Um, after your team figured out that Cat Adams was behind it all, and you were officially released; well, I just assumed we'd pick up right where we left off....but then I quickly realized that neither one of us probably remembered where exactly that had been. I let my eyes scan the apartment, landing on Spencer's overnight bag by the front door. "Were you about to leave on a case?" I knew that wasn't true, but I wanted to see if he thought he should still lie to me.

"Uh--yeah. Actually, I already told Y/N that I'm in love with her. She--she's waiting for me, and I'm late." Oh, no. Maybe I should just let him go to her, she'd most likely give him the benefit of the doubt, hard not to when he pulls out his puppy dog eyes; then he'll never realize that I quite possibly fucked up his new romance before packing up my first box. As Spencer moved to go throw his bag over his shoulder, my ring caught some light that illuminated the entry way. I hated the way his soft face turned sour as his eyes lit with an angry fire. "You," he said, pointing an accusatory finger at me, which I deserved. "You--you said you were just at her office when you called me earlier...meaning Y/N saw you wearing that, didn't she?!" I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to apologize, to explain, but Spencer wouldn't let me. "God, Maeve! I can't--I can't believe you right now!" I moved to go stop him, try to convey to him just how much I now completely regret my jealous-fueled decision. But, I was too late. Spencer was already out the door, letting it slam shut behind him. The sound cracked my heart as I reach for my phone.

Emily📲: Maeve? What's wrong?

-

Emily📲: Hello? Maeve? Is everything okay?

No, it wasn't. I had just found the most beautiful engagement ring in my boyfriend's sock drawer. A ring I know was meant for my finger. A symbol of a love, a bond between us that I realize now more than ever, has been slowly deteriorating before our eyes, and only I was too lovesick to see past the residual fog.

Me📲: No, Em. Um, Spencer--he, he, um, I found a...a ring.

Emily📲: Oh, Maeve. I--I don't know what to say.

Me📲: Tell me I'm having a terrible nightmare. Tell me that Spencer isn't falling for his stupid therapist. Tell me, please, that I'm not losing the man I love.

But, I knew I already lost him. As the weeks went by, I could see Spencer begin to enjoy the little things again. Sure, he enjoyed some of them with me, like going to the bookstores, or seeing Russian films where he knew I still wanted him to whisper-translate as there were no subtitles. I felt him trying. When we made love, though, I could feel him emotionally pulling away each time. When he'd gaze over me, the way he always used to, now, he'd get to my face and close his eyes. Almost like he was imagining I was someone else. That I was her.

Emily📲: Do you want me to come over? I do have wine. Lots of it.

Me📲: No. In fact, I'm grabbing my keys and heading out the door now.

Four bottle of wine later, and Emily had convinced me that even if Spencer was truly falling in love with Y/N, that maybe I should figure out exactly what my feelings are when it comes to Spencer.

"Maeve, I mean, when Spence went to prison, I know it broke you." It felt comforting to feel her hand on my shoulder. It'd been forever and a day since I remember Spencer doing that. I leaned in, taking in the warmth of how Emily felt. She's been nothing but my rock ever since Mexico. Both she and Tara fought to allow me to see him since he stubbornly kept my name off the accepted visitors list. Even David shared how he could see subtle changes in Spencer's eyes during the few times he'd visit him.

I hated how easily jealousy overtook me. "Em, do you believe that Spencer still loves me?" I knew it was a question she most likely didn't have an answer to, but I blame the wine for loosening my tongue. Emily sprawled out on her couch, while I sat, upright, on her carpeted floor.

"Maeve, sweetie, you know I can't tell you that." I felt the solemn look in her eyes. I glanced a look at the clock.

"Oh my god, it's late, um, thanks for the talk, Em, really, I love you!"

And just like that, I was out her door, in my car, driving home to a place I still shared with Spencer. My mind wandered back to that ring. I made a silent promise to myself that if I felt Spencer slipping away again, I would resort to more drastic measures. I hated that in the back of my mind, I was already convince it was only a matter of time. No if's, only when.

-

Me: Em, we're done. Spencer and I are done. Can I--would it be alright if I came a stayed with you?

I packed a bag full of what felt like a month's worth of essentials. I had no intentions of coming back until I knew what my next move would be. I thought to leave Spencer a note. Then, I figured, if he wanted to talk to me, he sure as hell still had my number.

\-------♥--------

I was so angry, I didn't even register hearing my apartment door slam shut, or notice myself getting in my car and driving to Y/N's office. All I could picture was whatever horrible things Y/N must be thinking of me. Why the hell would Maeve do that? I ran three red lights in order to make it back to her office by 8:00 p.m. I don't believe in God, per say, but I prayed so badly that Y/N would still be here so I could apologize and make this right. I raced up the stairs, not bothering to take the slow-ass elevator. Before I even made it to her door, I could tell she was gone. All the lights were off. There was a note taped to the front, folded with my name of it. Without thinking, I tore it off the door, frantically opening it.

Spencer -  
I hate you right now.  
You kissed me and you're engaged?!  
Your next session will be with Dr. Alder.  
Don't call me.

From her point of view, her note made sense. I just wish she'd give me the benefit of the doubt and let me explain. But why would she hand me off to a different therapist? I needed to talk to her. I called her again, no answer. I scoffed at myself as I shrunk down to the floor in front of her office. I had my overnight bag in the trunk. I ran home to pack it, hoping I could've simply told Maeve that we needed to stop trying to fix what suddenly wasn't broken. That's what I thought I was, all those weeks in prison. With each line I penciled into the brick wall, I felt a small part of myself die on the inside. I remember thinking about how lost and dead I felt, believing that Maeve was never going to love me the same again.

And, funny enough, she never did. And I wasn't even sad about it.

But here I was, torn up inside, crying on the floor in front of my therapist's office. The same therapist I have fallen hopelessly in love with. And to know that she believes I lied to her on purpose, that I broke her heart; well, that thought alone has completely shattered mine. I pulled out my phone one last time. As it rang, I swore I could hear it ring from inside her office. A lump in my throat appeared. I don't even have her personal phone number. Why did I ever think this dating/being in love business was worth getting invested in? Sighing, I called J.J. She always knew what advice to give me in times like this.

J.J.📲: He--hello? It was pretty late. I can only imagine that she and Will had just put the boys down to bed. I suddenly felt guilty calling her this late.

Me📲: J.J., it's me. I uhh, I need some advice. Can--can I come over? If she said no, then I'd just sleep in my car. I didn't have the heart to go back home, and I had no idea where Y/N even lived. I was truly at a loss.

J.J.📲: Yeah, Spence. Sure. Uhh, Will just put the boys down, just---be quiet when you get here.

Me📲: Okay, thank you, I promise.

I hung up and pulled myself off the floor. The drive to J.J.'s was just as silent as the last one. I hated being left alone with my mind. Nothing good ever came of it. Case in point with my current situation. Luckily, J.J. was prepared with coffee and chocolate-frosted with sprinkles doughnuts, just the way I like them. Once I got inside, we sat down on her couch as she waited for me to finish my third doughnut and down the final gulp of coffee.

"So, what happened this time?" I loved J.J. She always knew when to call me out on my shit, but in the nicest way humanly possible.

"J.J., I really fucked up this time," I sighed, waiting for the 'I told you so,' line she was notorious for saying in times like this.

"Oh Spence, I take it you didn't tell her..." I furrowed my brows at her comment. I confided in J.J. regarding Maeve and Y/N about a month into my therapy sessions. She told me it was perfectly normal to crush on someone new, given how long I'd been in prison and Maeve and I not having a whole lot of 'personal time.' Another two weeks later, when I told her it was more than a crush and that I was actually falling for her, that's when J.J. first told me I needed to break things off with Maeve.

And I was too much of a coward to do it.

"No, actually I did!" I said, my voice jumping an octave. "We-we kissed, J.J. It was..something else." I swallowed hard, feeling my throat tighten. "But then, I guess Maeve came looking for me." I scoffed. "She found the ring."

Even though I knew she meant nothing by it, J.J. couldn't help but roll her eyes at me. It wasn't like I didn't deserve it. "Let me get this straight...you confessed to Y/N. You kissed her? So, she must like you, too." She smiled at that. It was comforting. "Then Maeve just showed up? Wearing the ring you bought months ago?" I nodded.

"She told me she felt like she was losing me, so she hoped Y/N would see it and assume I was still taken." I threw my hands in the air, defeated. "I'm guessing her plan worked, because Y/N never answered her phone and I realize I don't have her personal cell or her address." J.J. opened her mouth to talk, but I beat her to it. "And before you even suggest it, no. I don't want to have to ask Garcia for all that."

"Why not?" It was a logical question. It was only after 10:00 p.m. Not too late. I bit my lip between my teeth, trying to come up with reasons not to. Yet, I couldn't think of any right now.

"I don't know. But, Maeve and I are over. I uh, left her at home." I suddenly realized I didn't want to sleep in my car if I could help it. "Would it be cool if I stayed here tonight? I promise I'll help with Henry and Michael." J.J. just giggled quietly. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Spence, you know you're always welcome to stay if you need to, but..Emily called a while ago. Maeve packed up what she could and is staying with her until she can find her own place." I felt relief wash over me for the first time since I last stepped inside my apartment. "Hey, um, can I ask you something..about Y/N?" I gave her a hesitant glare. Her features softened as she spoke. "Can you tell me why out think you fell in love with her? And out of love with Maeve?" I took in J.J.'s words, thinking as hard as I could with all 187 of my I.Q. points.

In my head, I sifted through everything. We both are fans of the classic Doctor Who series, enjoy the fall weather whenever it comes around, and we both seem to find humor in the same things. I thought about the way I've come to learn Y/N crinkles her nose when she hears me complain about anything. I love how she takes the time to really talk with me before and after our scheduled sessions. Her ears are relentlessly open to what I have to say, though when I asked her once to open up to me, she held back. Just like that, my mind brought me to the very moment.

-

"Thanks for letting me talk, you uhh, you didn't have to do that." Y/N had just finished listening to me talk about one particularly hard week while in prison. It was a defining moment that led me to believe I had crossed a line I never meant to cross; but all the same changing who I am and will be, forever.

"Spencer, the BAU is literally paying me to listen to you talk for one hour every week for three months. If anything, I should be thanking you." How does she do that? How does she make it seem like its effortless to be around me. With Maeve, it seems like every day is a struggle. Not intentionally, I know, but I'm beginning to hate the way she looks at me, like she thought that, at one point, maybe I deserved to be sent to prison. I hated that my mind went there, but I couldn't help it. I must've been out of it, 'cause next thing I know, Y/N is sitting in front of me, our knees touching. "Hey, where did you go?" I wanted to tell her I went someplace nice, but I didn't have the heart for it. I gave her a pathetic smile, knowing it didn't even show off my dimples. Her hand came up to my face, god it felt weird, but a good kind of weird? I couldn't place it, exactly, so I just let myself feel her warmth as she brushed her thumb down my jaw. I hummed in contentment, unknowingly succeeding in bringing her back to reality, as well. "Shit, um, sorry, I--I uhh, didn't mean to, well, you know what I mean," Y/N's face darkened a crimson pink, and I couldn't help but smirk a little. "Just, I--sorry."

Still reeling from her hand on my cheek, I spoke, my words failing to sift through my normal filter. "Y/N? Um, is-is there anything bothering you? I've been told on numerous occasions that I'm a damn good listener. I think a lot of my friends tell me their secrets, because they know I have no one else to tell them to." My heart swelled as I watched her smile widen, but then it felt just as quickly.

"What about Maeve?" I don't know why, but her words felt like daggers launched at my heart.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Shut me out like that." I was getting rather tired of hitting force field after force field. I needed to know why she resorted to maintaining those inner walls. I desperately wanted her to let me in. "Y/N, I promise you, I--I want to know. Right now, this is just you and me." I looked over to her clock on the wall. Ten minutes until I was meant to start pouring my heart out. Plenty of time. "Y/N, it's just me. Spencer. You take time every day I'm here to listen to me....you hear me talk about things that aren't necessarily apart of my therapy requirement. The least I can do is listen to whatever is on your mind."

"Alright, Spencer. I'll bite." I couldn't help the triumphed smirk that showed across my five 'o clock shadow. It's quite possible my eyes may have looked brighter too. "If you must know, part of why I got into therapy in the first place was because I lost my brother to cancer sixteen years ago. Whole time he was alive, we never felt compelled to talk. So, today, as I take time to talk with each of my patients, I--I don't know, I guess I feel closer to them, somehow? It's silly and stupid, I know."

"No, Y/N. It's not stupid at all."

-

Y/N cares deeply about complete strangers. Human beings with sordid pasts and she greets them with nothing but a sunshine smile. That's what I think I fell in love with the most about her. Still deep in thought, I completely forgot that J.J. had asked me another question. "Spence? What happened with you and Maeve?"

"In short, J.J., I just---we grew apart. Being in prison changed me, and Maeve--she doesn't care to get to know the man I am, now. It feels like she wants to believe I was never stuck there for three months as an innocent man." My best friend scoffed at me as she held her wine glass to her mouth.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, your now ex and Emily have been getting...chummy, recently." I felt the need to bite my tongue on that one. Maeve and Emily? I narrowed my eyes at her, looking to see if she was lying.

"Wow," I blew a whistle through my mouth. "Can't say I saw that coming."

"Go home, Spence. If Y/N loves you at all, she can't stay mad at you forever." I hoped not. God, I wish not. It's taking everything in my not to beg Garcia for her cell number and home address.

"Thanks, Jennifer. Goodnight."

-

Over the following week, I felt my body slowly deteriorating. I poured less sugar in my coffee than normal, I caught myself even getting beyond frustrated with the papers in my file that I actually asked Garcia for a fucking tablet. Needless to say, everyone immediately spilled their concerned guts to me, claiming to be there for me, yada-yada. I just wanted Y/N.

And today is the day I have my next therapy session.

\-------♥--------

The door shut behind me, but I couldn't be bothered to hear over the blaring sound of my head yelling at me that this was a bad idea. I was careful to remember that Maeve said nothing to me regarding her and Spencer. The woman simply showed off her new rock with every flick of her wrist, knowing that I was going to look there....habit! I slid down until my ass hit the floor. What the fuck? Why would Spencer say he's in love with me, but propose to her?! My heart practically disintegrated as I slumped over in total and utter defeat. Feeling dead, with absolutely no energy to even pry myself off this stupid floor, I stood up, knowing I needed to leave. I needed to get out of here. Out of this stupid office where I had the best fucking stupid kiss of my life. Just...out!

I quickly found a pad of paper laying on my desk, scrambling to grab a pen, scribbling down the words I wanted to say to him, but felt it best to just let him read them, instead.

Spencer -  
I hate you right now.  
You kissed me and you're engaged?!  
Your next session will be with Dr. Alder.  
Don't call me.

I capped the pen, ripped the note off the pad, then taped it to the front of my office door, locking it behind me. I'm sure my eyeliner smudged as I cried the entire drive home. I felt used. Why did he say he loved me? I couldn't seem to get the thought out of my head. The nice, long, hot shower didn't help. Listening to break-up songs didn't help. Cuddling with my stuffed bear didn't even help calm the frustration and emptiness I felt. Surprisingly, I fell asleep before midnight.

-

The next morning, I felt refreshed. I enjoyed my favorite pumpkin spice flavored coffee, even listening to the radio, for a change. My smile dropped though as a sad song came on, and I'm reminded of the events that took place the day before. I felt a sting in my throat, my coffee suddenly tasting bitter and cold. Just as I sat my mug down on its coaster, my phone rang.

Shana📲: Y/N! You answered your phone! Thanks for letting me know you're still alive and breathing. Shana. My best friend in the entire universe. She knew all about Spencer. Fuck. She also was probably expecting a play-by-play in detail since I confessed to her that he told me he was in love with me.

Me📲: Shana, hey. Sorry, I overslept. What's up? If I pretend to be clueless, maybe she'll get the hint that nothing of the sort happened last night.

Shana📲: What's up? Girl, isn't there supposed to be some amazing guy named Spencer keeping you from even answering your phone? Wait--Oh, no. Did he leave already? I thought about lying. It would be easier. But, if there's one thing Shana could detect in my voice, was the squeak I made when I fibbed.

Me📲: No, Shana. Spencer never made it over here, last night. I deadpanned my response, guessing that, in of itself, told her everything.

Shana📲: Y/N...tell me what happened. So, I told it all to her. Even down the the detail that Maeve's engagement ring was a princess-cut. That's it. I want your gorgeous ass dressed and outside your building in fifteen minutes. We are going out. Shana hung up before I could even think to protest. Shrugging in disbelief, I managed to look somewhat decent in a pair of comfy jeans and an oversized t-shirt. With my hair up in a messy bun, and sunglasses on to hide my tear-stained eyes, I waited outside my apartment building for my best friend.

Thirty minutes later, Shana and I are at La Mesa, sipping on margarita's before noon. "Your phone hasn't been blowing up since we got here. What'd you do, block him?" I had just taken a sip of my drink when I abruptly spit it out as a result of Shana's comment.

"No. Spencer doesn't have my number. Just the one to my office and I silenced those for the day." I made sure to check my email, though, replying to every one of my patients...except him. Shana blew out her nose, grabbing an egg roll and shoving it on her mouth.

"So, you haven't even talked to him since you saw his girlfriend with a ring on her finger?"

"Fiancée," I corrected, though it pained me to even say it. "And yes, I've been ignoring him. Why?" I started on my taco, wondering where Shana was getting at.

"Y/N, how do you know they're even actually engaged? What's-her-face could've just gone to Walmart and bought a fancy cubic zirconia ring! And you fucking fell for it." Ever have those moments where your best friend is right and you hate them for it? That was me, right now.

"Fuck, you're right." But then I recalled when Spencer had confessed he thought, at one point, that he had wanted to marry her before he got sent to prison. "But...Spencer did tell me once that he wanted to marry Maeve." I slumped my shoulders, covering up my face with my hands. I was at a crossroads with nowhere to go. I wanted to talk to Spencer, but I also couldn't ignore the facts I had in front of me.

"Hey, don't you dare go down that spiral. You hear me? Talk to him. What's the worse that could happen?" Shana had a point. I already spent the night before crying over wondering if he ever truly cared for me in that way. I needed the truth. No matter what that might very well be.

"You're right." Then I remember the note for him I left on my door. "Shit, my note! I had Charles take him for the last of our sessions." My heart dropped at the thought of not ever seeing Spencer again.

"That's perfect," Shana smiled. I narrowed my eyes at her. Did she not hear me? "Y/N, if he comes knocking on your door, demanding why you stopped all contact with him, then maybe he never lied to you, after all."

"Then I guess I'll just have to wait and see."

-

Wednesday came all too quickly. I had just wrapped up with Rodney, one of my favorite patients. The smile on my face soon faded as I peered up at the clock. I had about two and a half hours before the time Spencer's session were to start. I paced a circle around the center of my office, surprised the floor beneath me didn't give. "Y/N, you fool, why can't you get him out of your head?" I mumbled outloud to myself. Maybe Spencer wouldn't come. Maybe he really does love Maeve and was only infatuation with the idea of being in love with me? God, here I am making ridiculous excuses for a guy I barely even know. We've never gone out on a date.

I continued to pace more and more, praying that the next time I caught the time on the clock, it would be past 2:00 p.m. and I could let out the breath I know I've been holding in for far too long. I'm saved from my thoughts by a knock at my door.

"Y/N, it's me. Can I please come in? I really need to talk to you."

Shit. Spencer. I tried to will my hand to make words come out onto the page, but my hand wouldn't stop shaking. I wanted to finish it, fold it, and slide it under the door. I was safe inside the four walls here. As long as Spencer remained on the other side of that door, I was fine.

Click. Squeak.

Fuuck. I left the goddamn door unlocked.

"Y/N, you should be more careful about locking your door."

\-------♥--------


	4. All the Reasons You Would Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer confronts Reader at her office. The two bicker and banter until they ultimately pour their hearts out and Reader agrees to a late night date with Spencer. Maeve finds solace in Emily, again. Realization hits her faster than she expects it to. Spencer and Reader share themselves with each other.

\-------♥--------

"Y/N, you should be more careful about locking your door." I said, hearing her door squeak shut behind me before I turned to lock it. I wasn't leaving this time without Y/N knowing exactly how I feel about her. 

"Please, Dr. Reid, call me Dr. Y/L/N from now on." Oh. 

"Y/N, I need to tel--" It took the woman I love all but two minutes to attempt to put me in my place. I had to admit, it was cute to watch her try. 

"Tell me what, Dr. Reid? Tell me how you somehow managed to convince me to kiss you when all along, it was always her?" I let out a deep sigh, now knowing this was going to take a minute. A very long minute. 

"Y/N, I---"

"I said to address me as Dr. Y/L/N, Dr. Reid." 

"Fine," I told her, careful to convey my thoughts in the best way I knew how. "Dr. Y/L/N, please. Let me explain. Hell, better yet, let me show you how I truly feel about you." I took a tentative step forward, noting how she mimicked me by taking a step back. 

"I hate to break it to you, but kissing me won't erase the image I have of your fiancée flashing her gorgeous ring at me." I nodded, curtly, moving to take my seat where I always sat while inside her office. I watched Y/N move to take a seat at her desk as well, but she stopped to turn around, leaning against the front of it, instead. "You want to know what I think, hmm?" Her hands were gripping the edge, and I was certain she'd have abrasion marks to show for it later. "I think that you, Sir, have major trust issues." The way she enunciated that one particular word made my body feel warm all of a sudden. 

"Trust issues?" I glared back at her, dumbfounded. "I---Y/N, you can't be serious.." I knew she was clearly hurting, which told me that she still loves me. I needed to believe that. I also needed to convince her I, too, am in love with her. 

"You seem awfully fixated on needing to kiss me." 

"And you seem pretty quick to forget we ever did." 

There was a silence in the air. If I was being honest, it felt like hours had gone by the way we took in each other. Y/N looked at me like I once held her heart in the palm of my hand..until I crushed it in the form of Maeve showing up unannounced after I had already left. I needed to prove to Y/N that Maeve and I are over. I'm not in love her anymore, haven't been for months, now. I only had eyes for Y/N...who was currently throwing eye daggers at me as if she'd get lucky and one would actually pierce my skin. 

"Y/N...I--"

"I'm in love with you."  
"I thought I told you to address me as Doc---" 

"What?" For a brief moment, I caught her facial muscles relaxing. She heard me. The question now is, does she believe me? 

"I said...I am completely in love with you, Y/N." She faltered, quickly attempting to regain whatever composure she thought she had, but I was proud to say that I saw right through her. Y/N still loved me. And I'd be willing to do anything to show her I only feel the same way. 

"No, you're not. You're in love with Maeve." The confidence Y/N showed as she spoke ghosted around my neck, choking the air supply out of me. 

"Still mad at me, I take it, then?" I tried to sound humorous, even though we both understood there was nothing funny about the situation we found ourselves in. 

"I saw the ring, Spencer. Please, don't lie." I hated that I could see tears begin to well up in her eyes. I was hurting her. I never ever meant to hurt her..or anyone for that matter. "And..mad's not the word I would use." I perked up slightly at that. She's not mad? Well, at least that's where I can start. 

"Sure, you know what? I did buy that ring. Well over a year ago, in fact." I felt I was nearing towards my wit's end with Y/N. How could she not see the hope in my eyes or the devastation in my voice. I needed her like I needed air to breathe. Surely, she knew that. "And you want to know something else, Y/N, hmmm?" I got up from my chair, walking straight to her, my hands now at both her sides. "I had every single intention of proposing to Maeve with that ring...that is, until I met you, Y/N." I slowly raised my hand to her cheek, enjoying the way she leaned in without any hesitation. I felt my heart grow in size as she moved to close her eyes, then open them again. 

"Will you stop staring at me like that?" she asked, out of the blue, while I simply adorned every inch of...well, everything. I felt my reverence slow down a breath, deciding that I didn't want this night to end up with me being alone...again. 

"Maybe...please, forgive me?" I made sure to poke my pout out as nuch as possible while working on another tactic. I skimmed my hands across her shoulders, settling them near her sides just underneath her elbows. "For the record, I trust you just fine." I let out a breath, wondering how much longer she plans to keep this going. "I mean, I have to trust you, you're my therapist, after all." The second I felt the cold air hit my palms, I knew I said the wrong thing. I had meant for that to come out as sarcastic, however, Y/N clearly took it seriously. 

"You're right, Dr. Reid. I am your therapist. Only you're therapist." At her sour words, I let my hands drop to my sides, ready to slump back into my chair and begin our actual session. And normally, I would have, but something inside me just knew if I pushed her a little more, I'd get the truth out of her. I had to at least try. 

"Would someone who's only my therapist kiss me?" The way Y/N clearly hesitated told me everything I needed to know. 

"No," she said, averting her eyes as far away from me as she possibly could. "And I shouldn't have. It was extremely unprofessional." 

"What if I wanted you to..?" I tried, hoping that the thin ice I'm currently skating on melts, but, then again, that would be wishful thinking. 

"This isn't actually an appropriate therapeutic topic, now is it, Dr. Reid?" I smirked up at her. She had this thing she did with her nose that I first noticed back when we met. I decided to play off of that, see where it gets me. 

"It's cute, you know, the way your nose scrunches up--just like that," I said as I lifted my pointer finger in her direction, a small laugh escaping my throat in the process. "..when you're, um, unsure whether or not you want to kiss me or hit m---" 

Y/N moved closer to me from her perched spot on her desk just to deck me in the shoulder with the back of her hand. "Ow!" I rubbed the spot, faking pain, hoping she'd catch on. 

"Just so I'm crystal clear on this...you never actually proposed to Maeve?" The uncertainty and the hesitancy I could hear in her voice cut through me like a knife. I shook my head at her, as if I hadn't only been trying to tell her just that this whole time. 

"I could be wrong, but, uhh, wasn't it kind of obvious, don't you think?" Now Y/N is glaring at me like I'm too busy talking through a thin straw hat. 

"Oh, forgive me, but if it was so gosh darn obvious as you say, then why would I even be asking, huh, Dr. 187?" I couldn't help the chuckle that ripped from me right then. I wanted to play this out as much as possible. 

"I'll always forgive you, Dr. Y/L/N, for anything, you know that." She tilted her head slightly, letting her hair loosen a bit from its tie. 

"If I didn't know any better, Dr. Reid, I'd say you well on your way to seducing me." I swore every nerve in my entire body ceased to exist briefly if only for a moment. 

"I--I, uhh," I licked my lips out of habit and tried again. "No--I mean, you--I..." As much as I hated being a flustered mess, the genuine smile that Y/N gave me was worth fumbling over any day of the week. She walked closer to me with purpose, and I desperately wanted to know what she wanted. 

"I happen to find it endearing, how flustered you get," she whispered directly in my ear, making the small wisps of hair near my hairline stand up, anticipating her touch. 

"You do?" I genuinely didn't know that. Now that I did, well, it only made me want her more, if that were possible. 

"I do," she said, her fingers gently tickling the nape of my neck, as I drank in every movement her lips made, wishing she'd grant me permission to kiss them. "It intrigues me greatly, in case you didn't already guess that." 

Chuckling, I reminded her just what having an eidetic memory really entails. "Y/N, I never need to guess. I either know or don't know, but if I don't know something, then I research it." The woman, who was now situating herself in my lap, had the audacity to scoff at me. 

"Research, huh? Never one to simply just trust others, are you...Spencer." That's the second time today I've heard her call me by my name. I've found I love hearing it more when shes says it. 

"I trust people...I trust you." I did, and I meant it. I trusted Maeve whole-heartily, I truly did, but after spending three months in prison, I was forced to see her in a light so different that before; almost as if all the sunshine had been snuffed out. 

"No, you don't." Y/N's head shook with absolute certainty. "Quite frankly, I'm pretty sure I don't trust you, either." Now, that I had to rectify soon, though I sadly understood just why she'd have good reason not to trust me outright. I let out a sigh, contemplating whether I should move my hands to her hips or leave them gripping the chair I'm still sitting in. 

"Tell me, please..show me how can I get you to trust me again." Y/N leaned forward a little, her cute little nose tickled mine, causing us both to giggle a little. 

"I don't know..guess you're just going to have to make me." She shook her head nonchalantly as she spoke, her words falling off her lips like promises I intend to catch and keep close to my heart. I caught a hint of sadness in her eyes, as if she still didn't believe me when I told her I wasn't actually engaged. 

"Hell, even if you did try, I'm betting it won't happen overnight." I hated that I was giving her mixed signals. One minute, I'm confident I can get her to see things from my side, then the next, I'm accepting that there's a small chance she will only ever be my therapist. The thought left an unwanted taste in my mouth. I let my eyes fall to her lips as she moved them to talk once more. 

"Honestly, it's a bit unfortunate to hear that you think that...I mean, I did trust you. I have trusted you, before. I feel lied to, mislead, hell, I'm almost positive you tricked me!" Tricked her...what? I shifted my eyes to meet hers, which were full of worry and concern. I just gave her my best puppy dog pout I've been told several times by Garcia that I'm good at. Y/N relaxes slightly, giving me a lop-sided half-smile in return. "Yeah, okay, I guess that wasn't actually you..but still---" I wanted so badly to kiss every shred of doubt that still clouded her mind when it came to me, to us. 

"I promise I will do whatever it takes to get you to trust me again, Y/N. Because no matter what, I swear to you I'm still stupidly in love with you." I leaned in a little, hoping she'd follow my lead. When I saw her pull away, my heart felt like it was on the verge of cracking. 

"Spencer..." Third time she's said my name. "You obviously fell in love with Maeve so much that you bought an engagement ring." Y/N visibly sighed, moving enough to try and get off my lap. "What's to stop you from doing the same thing to me years from now, huh?" I snapped my hands up to her ribcage, bringing her in slowly for a hug. She had a point. A question I didn't know how to really answer. All I knew for certain was that I was irrevocably in love with her and I would make sure to cherish each day with her, unlike the man I was before..with Maeve. "Look, Spencer, I want to believe you, I truly do." Fourth time she said my name. That must mean something. "But, that just won't cut it," she bent down enough so that her breath tingled against my ear. "Do feel free to try again." It almost sounded like a dare if I didn't know any better. I moved in towards her a little, enough that our faces were centimetres apart. 

"What can I do to make you forgive me?" Without hearing an answer, I moved to place an innocent kiss just under her jawline. I felt her shift under my touch, a hand of hers now pressed against my chest, pushing me away. 

"Hold up there a minute," Y/N said, catching her breath. "You, Sir, haven't earned the privilege of kissing me again until you take me out on a proper date. Do I make myself clear, Dr. Reid?" All my 187 IQ brain could focus on were the words kissing and date. Y/N slid off my lap, fixing her clothes out of habit, I presumed. Just before I placed my hand on the doorknob, I turned back to see Y/N walking over as well. 

"My place...in an hour, then?" She nodded, moving to get past me like she was suddenly in a hurry. "Oh, and Y/N?" She turned around, close enough for me reach out and grab a good clump of her hair just behind her ear. I crashed my lips to hers, praying she wouldn't pull away too quickly, as I was aware I hadn't earned the pleasure. But as our tongues met, I got the feeling that I would soon be off the hook. As we broke apart for air, I had to ask the first thing that came to mind. "I take it I'm forgiven?" Seeing a smirk crease her features made me happy that I decided to come here after all. That's when I realized..."Y/N, we missed our session, didn't we?" 

Y/N took a quick look at the clock, before shooing me outside the door, she following closely behind me. "I suppose you're right, Dr. Reid." She winked up at me, gesturing with her hands to let me know I should leave first. Women. I turned around as I waited for the elevator to make its way up to our floor. I blew her a kiss, surprised when I watched her catch it. As the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open, I heard Y/N call out to me for the last time as just my therapist. "Get out, Dr. Reid! I'll see you in an hour." I couldn't help the smile that caused me to bare my pearly whites to the mirror inside. Just before the doors closed as I began to descend to the ground floor, I called out to the woman who stole my heart when she didn't even mean to. 

"CALL ME SPENCER!" 

\-------♥-------- 

"Hi, Sweetie." Emily pulled me into one of her famous squeezes, and I couldn't have ever been more grateful. "Here, let me go set your bags in the guest room." I nodded, already eyeing a glass of wine on one of her favorite coasters I had gotten her for Christmas last year. Well, I had signed the tag Spencer and Maeve. "So, feel like talking?" Emily had already returned, grabbing her own glass, settling into her spot on her couch next to me. I took a deep breath in, wondering where to even begin. 

"Well, as I told you, Spencer and I are do---" It didn't take long at all for Emily to cut me off. She did have a tendency to do that. 

"Yeah, Maeve, you said that, and I heard you. But..feelings like that didn't just manifest overnight." Assuming she was referring to my ex-boyfriend's romantic feelings for his therapist, the very same one whom I know Emily had referred him to, I snapped. 

"I know, Emily! I just---I hate that I didn't see it coming until I was too late." Glancing over at my friend, seeing the look in her eyes, I elaborated. "Spencer and I were already having problems before he even left for Mexico." 

"Well, why didn't you ever tell me that?" Emily looked hurt as my honesty. 

"Cause, Em. If I had said something back then, god. I just---I wanted to be there for him while he was stuck inside there, you know?" I felt the tears in my eyes well at even the thought of potentially having left him all those months ago. "I thought things would get better. But, he accused me of only being in love with the ghost of who he was before..." I hated how the man I once loved had been right all along, as he usually was. I never gave the man he is now a fair shot, only wanting us to 'go back to the way things were,' instead of working to build a new foundation on top of the broken one that cracked the day the gavel hit. I took a long sip of my wine, hoping the small non-existent burn in the back of my throat will help ease this heartache I've been feeling ever since I shut the door of our-no, his apartment. 

"Oookay, well, I'm here for you, Maeve, okay? You know that, right?" I nodded, but narrowed my eyes up at her like I knew she had much more to say. "It's just---I'm sorry, but you know I am aware of how you and Spencer met, right? I remember Bobby." I slumped back into the cushions of the sofa, praying that I would get sucked in. I turned my head to face Emily, already knowing now where this conversation was going. 

"Yes, Em, okay? I know. I lied to Spencer right off the bat---"

"Yes, in turn, your relationship became built on a lie, which, I presume, only led to more lies. Am I right?" I shifted my position, moving to tuck my feet under my thighs. 

"You're not wrong." 

Together, we both just sat there in the silence. It felt strong and all-consuming, much like my relationship with Spencer had been. Had I really just thrown myself from one mediocre relationship to another? No. Spencer Reid may be alot of things, but mediocre isn't one of them. 

"Em...could--could you all tell when Spencer seemingly fell out of love with me?" I knew it wasn't the best question to ask of the woman who has been nothing but a great friend to us both, but she was the only one here, right now, and that stupid question just wouldn't leave my head. I felt like I needed to know in order to move on. 

"Maeve, sweetie, are you sure? I---" 

"Yes, Em. Please. I--I think it will help..knowing. You know, with moving on from him." I flinched a little as Emily met me with a sornful gaze. 

"It, um, it was before he even left for Mexico..." There it was. My answer. I don't even know why I felt there was an answer I was searching for, specifically, because that sure as hell wasn't it. 

"Emily.."

"You asked, Maeve. I'm simply telling you as I saw it. I am a profiler, too, you know." I took in a deep breath, wondering how long I could hold it in for before I would start turning blue and purple. I let it out soon after, hiding my face in my hands as best I could. I tried to think back to what life with Spencer was like prior to getting that call. Was he really not happy? Even back then? Just as the tears pricked the corners of my eyes, I felt Emily's hands on my shoulder. "You know, Maeve, I--I don't believe Spence was the only one who was truly unhappy in your relationship." I lifted my eyes to hers at her statement. A guesstimate, really. How could she be so certain about something so personal about me that not even I understood? "Then again, maybe I'm being biased." 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"Oh, I--I just thought it was obvious." 

"What was obvious? Emily, just tell me." 

"Maeve, haven't you ever noticed that I'm the only person you ever call when things aren't perfect between the two of you?" I have. Of course, I have. Emily's my best friend. 

"Well, c'mon, you know that's 'cause yo---"

"I'm not you're only friend. I know you talk with J.J. and Penelope, too. But you never call them when you're at your worst. Especially when it involves Spencer." I let my arms collapse at my sides. She's right. Why does she always have to be right? I slowly turned my head towards her, taking a guess as to where this was going. 

"You really believe I never was truly in love with him?" The bluntness of my question startled me a little, but I chalked it up to the wine I was offered upon arrival. "Well..?" 

"Sweetie, you know I can't say...I just noticed that the both of you were...um, you know, going through the motions, I mean, oh, that last night that we all went down to McClellan's to drown ourselves after that particularly grueling case...the one where Spencer was...." I nodded my head in understanding. I still was never told what happened, just that Spencer felt he was much too late in solving the location of their unsub, costing the lives of three more young kids. I remembered seeing him drink for the first time that night. That was also the first night I saw a side of him I wasn't sure I could love. I wanted to. 

That's when the realization hit me. Emily knew something about me, about my true feelings towards Spencer; something it took me far too long to grasp. I wasn't in love with him. He wasn't in love with me. Strangely, everything felt okay. I was going to be okay. I needed to tell Spencer. I left him thinking that my heart was still in it, that he cheated and should feel ashamed about his feelings. Above all else, I knew Spencer and I could still be friends. Maybe..maybe that's all we were ever meant to be. Friends. "Hey, Em, I'm just going to step out for a minute. I need to call him. Tell him the truth." Emily nodded, taking another sip of her wine. As I opened my phone up to call, I mouthed a clear 'thank you,' to her, walking towards her balcony. 

Of course it goes to his voicemail. I thought about hanging up, calling back later...but I knew I needed to get this epiphany off my chest. If only to selfishly make myself feel better, and carrying about the risks and aftermath at a later time. Me📲: Hey, Spencer, it's me. Listen, I know you're mad. I'm mad, too. But...well, I'm at Emily's and she helped me realize that...I don't actually love you. I mean..you're not the only one who fell out of love in this relationship. I just got angry and scared when I found out about you and Y/N. Just...I'd like us to get to a point where we can all be friends, I guess. I don't know. I just..I just needed you to know that I'm not mad at you anymore. Not for cheating, 'cause, well, you never actually did. Bye, Spencer. Think about what I said, okay? 

It wasn't until I turned around to head back inside that I saw Emily standing right there by the door. I felt the irritable pain as my eyes shut, the tears falling down my cheeks before I could even fathom the feeling as they hit the pillow I was now holding. Emily simply walked over towards me and pulled me into a hug, causing me to drop the pillow so that I could hug her back with all the strength I felt I had left. 

"He di--didn't even answer," was all I could cry out. Emily just held me in the silence. Silence I didn't even know I needed until I had it. Much like Emily. She's right. Every single time Spencer and I would find ourselves in an argument, or even a disagreement, Emily was the first and only person I would call. When she moved to let go, I gripped her closer. "Em..I--" I knew I was feeling overly emotional. I knew this was the wrong time to give in. Yet, I still couldn't get over everything Emily had said. She was the one I went to. She was who let me cry on her shoulder. She would explain my mind to me when I couldn't even comprehend it, myself. She knew me better than I knew myself. She. Emily. It was always her. 

When I carefully inched forward, pressing my lips to hers, I was surprised at how tentative she was with me. The way her mouth moved while touching mine sent shivers through me in ways Spencer's never did. I let one of my hands caress her cheek while the other snaked up her back, finding it's home just above her hip. I felt Emily sigh into our kiss, both of her hands were playing with my hair. As we broke apart, I couldn't describe the feeling my heart got when Emily let out an audible 'Wow.' All I could bring myself to do was smile and lean in for more. 

That was...until Emily placed a single finger to my Cupid's bow. 

"Hey, hey, um, listen..while that was..Wow, I--I, uh, I think you need to take some time, um, for yourself. By yourself. Without Spencer. Without me." 

"Wha--? What do you mean, Em?" Another rejection? No, I couldn't take it. 

"Maeve, listen." I nodded my head, not trusting my lips to form coherent words at this point. "You've been too dependent on others in your relationships. Specifically, romantic ones. Look, I love you, and I also find you gloriously attractive. But--but I know that the last thing you need right now is another relationship." 

"Have I told you that I hate it when you're always right?" We both laughed at my statement, giving each other a look, knowing that we've both probably told Spencer the same phrase on more than one occasion. 

"Look, you're more than welcome to crash here, but, I need you to allow yourself to love just who you are and not who others perceive you as." 

"I know." I watched Emily grab her glass, fill it some more, then walk towards her bedroom door. "Hey, Em?" 

"Yeah, Maeve?" 

"If, after I take some time, as you said, I still have..um, feelings for you, would you want to...see where it goes?" The small smile that crept its way across her lips, lips I now know feel like petals of a flower in the storm of winter, gave me hope I hadn't felt in such a long time. 

"Don't worry 'bout me right now, Maeve," she said, all too reassuringly. "Believe me, I'm not going anywhere." With that, I heard the click of her door shut, my mind taking me to that one place in my dreams I had been reluctant to go to..until now. 

\-------♥-------- 

I have never been more thankful to myself than I am right now for keeping a formal outfit in my office. As I'm looking down at the black frock, what I had previously dubbed as my 'last-minute-job-related dress,' I let out a heavy sigh, falling back into my chair with a huff. What am I doing? He's with her. He's always been with her. Ever since I met him. 

But then I find myself going back to his kisses, and I'm suddenly aching to feel his lips on mine again. I sneak a peek at the clock. Shit. I only had roughly twenty-five minutes left. I scrambled to smooth the fabric out over my hips and thighs. Taking a look in my mirror, I didn't like that I could see and feel the outline of my panties through the dress. A spur-of-the-moment idea hit me. I slipped off my underwear, tossing them into the laundry basket. Once I was satisfied with my overall look, I quickly and carefully reapplied my makeup, adding some smudge to my eyes. By the time I grabbed my purse and headed out to my car, it was almost 3:00 p.m.

-

I'm late. I know it's still in the afternoon, but I suddenly felt more anxious now that I was slowly walking up the stairs to his apartment. My palms grew sweaty as I rubbed them against my dress with each step I took. When I made it to his floor, I knew which door was his without even looking at the numbers. Only one door had a bright yellow sticky note attached to it. That must be his, I thought. 

Meet me on the rooftop. 

That's all the note said. He didn't sign it. I got a weird feeling, again. Tentatively, I looked around, trying to figure out where the way to the roof was. I saw another set of stairs tucked away in the corner. After taking the first few steps, another sticky note was waiting for me. 

You're getting warmer...

I felt my cheeks heat up in a soft pink hue, finding a newfound pep in my step as I picked up my pace, making my way to the top of the stairs. I paused as I placed my hand over the doorknob. What am I even doing here? I slid down to the floor, not even caring at the moment that I was getting my dress all dirty. I was far more or less worried that I was making another terrible mistake. The heartache was already built up inside me before I even had a chance. I scoffed at myself as I rested my head on the wood. How could I ever fall for someone who wasn't sure about me? I buried my face in my hands, letting all my worries and insecurities muster. I let my mind take me back to every touch I ever felt from him, every word that had be spoken between us, all the times I assumed and instantly felt bad, so I pulled away, thinking he was completely in love with her. Wasn't he in love with her? Then why is he leaving sticky notes for me here in his apartment building? Then, I remembered. He and Maeve live together. That's it, they've made up and here I am sitting on a dirty floor of their apartment building, which I have absolutely no business even being in. 

As I crawl up onto my feet, I hear a door below open and shut, then footsteps seemingly getting closer. Shit. I had been crying, probably ruined my eyeliner for a third time today. I was ready to shove myself past whoever it was that was making their way up the stairs, when an arm reached out and stopped me. "Y/N? Hey..what are you...?" My heart broke a little more at the sound of his sad voice, small and a hint of regret. My eyes fell to the large arrangement of flowers and roses Spencer was holding. 

"I--I'm--Wha--who are those for?" I hated how he made me feel like pure putty whenever I'm near him. It was downright deceitful of him to have such a power; a power I didn't give him willingly, anyway. I watch as he brings the bouquet to rest in between us, lifting his finger to point at each one. 

"For you, of course," Spencer smiled. "Here, this one is a purple hyacinth," he points towards a beautiful purple flower. "It means forgiveness." His voice was softer, almost a whisper. "Oh, and this one here," he says as he moves his finger to a daffodil, "is a daffodil. It symbolizes new beginnings." Spencer went on to describe to me in full detail the meaning of every flower there was he had hand picked...just for me. Suddenly I felt even more stupid for allowing my brain to jump to conclusions I really have no proof of. "Why were you crying?" 

Spencer's question pulled me out of my head. I shook it, not exactly wanting to admit to him, let alone myself, that I have the ability to be an idiot. An idiot who is dangerously close to falling in love. I begin wiping off the already dried tears only for Spencer to gently grab my hand, intertwining our fingers together as I catch him looking at me..like...like he really loves me. As the butterflies threaten to overtake my insides, I continue to stare at him. The smile that was just adorning his face left, leaving a sad, almost sornful look that creased his forehead in a way I didn't like. He dipped his hand in one of his pockets, pulling out a handkerchief. Before I could even question why he carries one, he was using it to wipe the remaining makeup off of my eyes. "It's stupid, really, I should--I should go." 

"Wait! Y/N, please." He still had a grip on my arm and eyes looking deep inside my soul. I couldn't escape him now even if I truly tried. And I was beginning to ask myself why exactly was I even trying... I let out a sigh, turning to face Spencer dressed nothing like how I normally would for a first date. There was no way this wasn't going to be disastrous. "I don't know what you thought was stupid, but I promise you, I don't want you to go." He finished wiping away all remnants of my crying fit, only to gently brush the pad of his thumb over my cheeks once more. "Have I ever told you I think you are far more beautiful without cosmetics?" I thought back for a moment, then shook my head. "Well, I am now. Y/N, I--I want this," he said, gesturing between the two of us. "I want to be with you." There it was again. That brutal honesty he had assured me of back when we first met. He almost sounded like a broken record. A record that maybe I should be better about listening to. 

I took a moment to look at him, really look at him. His eyes were searching mine, to figure out if I wanted this too, which I did....but, I still had questions. Questions, I decided, I would ask him during our date. Putting my best confidence forward, I quirked my lips up in a smirk. "Just so you're aware....you're late." Spencer snorted a little, returning a smirk of his own, twofold. 

"Just so you know, you are absolutely stunning." If it wasn't for his grip still tight on me, I swore I would have melted into a puddle right then and there. Stunning? This man knows just how to hit all of my weak spots, huh? I moved my arm, that he now only had a loose grip on, in a way so that it looked like we were courting. As I watched Spencer move to open the door after handing me the bouquet meant for me, I decided to say the words I know he's been itching to hear all day. 

"I forgive you." He whipped his head around towards me, almost knocking the gorgeous arrangement out of my hand. 

"You wha--?" He looked somewhat dumbfounded. Like I had just given him permission to relax after carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders for eternity. Then again, maybe he had been. 

"You're forgiven, Spencer Reid." 

-

To my surprise, the date went much smoother than my anxious self had anticipated. We ended up ordering some cheeseburgers, fries, and Frosty's from Wendy's for dinner. In between bites, we talked about our mutual love of Doctor Who, reading up on scientific brochures just for fun, and enjoying peaceful evenings curled up on a chair, either at home, or at our favorite libraries. We were now sitting on one of the patio couches, my feet on his lap, our frosty's in hand, dipping fries in them; occasionally he caught me sneaking one in his frosty, shooting me a playful look. After a moment of laughter passed, Spencer got very serious. "There's something I want to tell you, Y/N." I swallowed the fry I had just popped in my mouth at his words. "I want to thank you for..well, everything that you've done." 

I leaned over him, barely brushing my arm against his thigh as I grabbed another fry to dip in my chocolate frosty. "You can thank me later, Spencer. It's cool." Just as I said it, a small smile grew across my face. I felt like I was getting to really know this man next to me. Then again, I also felt like I've already known him my whole life. 

"While that may be, I still feel I should say this now, um, before I lose my nerve." Lose his nerve? Oh god...

"Just, I---before you say anything else there, Doctor, you most certainly are not planning on asking me to marry you right now, are you?" Spencer immediately let out a loud snort, almost dropping his frosty in the process. 

"No! Good god, I--I mean, eventually...maybe..but most definitely not tonight. I can promise you that." I watched Spencer take a gulp of his water before clearing his throat again. "I just, I'm nervous about admitting just how much you truly mean to me, Y/N." Now, it was my turn to swallow a lump in my throat. Was he going to say he only appreciated me as a friend? But...that doesn't make any sense.. I let out a deep sigh, already half-wishing I was back home under the safety of my enormous comforter. "You really don't have any idea just how much you mean to me, do you, Y/N?" 

At the sincerity in his voice, I shot my head up, eyes meeting his automatically. "I mean it, you know. You really don't have a clue, do you?" Now the man was just being silly. He had a clue, alright. He sure as hell had a goddamn fucking clue. 

"Thank you..?" Spence just scoffed at me some more, before finishing his food and throwing away the trash. We talked some more, equally random stuff like childhood dreams and what's the worst thing we could put in a bowl and microwave. I hadn't felt this good on a 'date' in a long time. It was nice. Very nice. 

-

The sun was beginning to go down, and Spencer had gone back downstairs to grab us some blankets. I only felt slightly chilly but nonetheless, was grateful for the warmth the blankets provided. "Not too cold, are you?" He was being daringly cheeky for someone who understood my hesitancy. I pretended to shiver a little moreso than normal, prompting Spencer to shuffle his body closer under the blanket with me. I instantly placed my now bare feet against his calves, trailing my toes up and down his legs, frowning when I realized he was still completely dressed. Technically, so was I...well, almost. 

Without thinking, I leaned my head down to rest on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind it or object, so I decided not to pull away. "Do you believe in perfection, Dr. Reid?" I teased. We both understood perfection wasn't a truthful myth to believe it. Still, I was hoping he'd return with some snippy banter of his own. While his answer still held the same playfulness as before, his tone and the way he looked over at me said more than even I was ready to admit. 

"Are you asking me if I believe in you, Dr. Y/L/N?" All of a sudden, I felt the need to cough. Bad. I luckily was able to compose myself after Spencer threw himself into a tizzy fit, laughing so uncontrollably, I thought his torso would vibrate into thin air. I cuddled up to his side, almost like I belonged there. For a second, I almost believed I did. But, then I remembered. I'm not the girl the prince at the end of the fairytale saves, but the girl who pushes him to his bride, wanting nothing more than to be left with my own broken heart. 

"Oh heavens, no!" I scolded him, albeit in an accusing tone. "I am far from perfect, let me tell you." I began to pull away from him, wondering if the magic we created would fade or conveniently burst into flames. Spencer gripped my waist tightly, silently telling me he doesn't want me to leave. I feel more than inclined to obey. As he holds me close, I let my mind wander, chewing the inside of my mouth in anticipation for what I believe will come. "Spencer...you know that you deserve someone in this world who values you, one hundred...and ten percent." The man pulled away slightly from his spot to look down at me. My god, how I desperately wished, if only in that moment, for him to choose me. 'Cause if he did, I swear I would give him the world...and then some. 

"What makes you think I don't deserve you?" Sometimes I do hate how he manages to turn my own words against me. Blessing and a curse, my ass. "Because, contrary to what you think you believe, you're wrong." 

"Excuse me?" Did Dr. Spencer Reid just tell me that I'm in the wrong? I shifted a little under the blanket, brushing my legs up against his as I did so. 

"I have no doubt that you do just that. Value me. Y/N, you see me exactly for who I am in any given moment." I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know for sure. No guessing. No beating around the bush. I had to know one-hundred percent, is Spencer Reid in this all the way with me, or does he still have one mismatched sock foot out the door? 

"Spencer..um, can I ask you something?" I felt like this was now or never. No secrets. No lies. Just pure truth. I felt his lips begin to move, so I lifted my hand to gently pressed against them to prevent him from interrupting the way he has a tendency to do without realizing it. "Just...I--why me?" I dared to lift my eyes up to his as I asked. I wanted to see if his 'micro-expressions' as he once called them, gave himself away to me or not. 

"I love you." 

There it was. In all it's honest sincerity. Like an angel playing their harp. Unfortunately, the back of my mind won out and the first thing to make it's way out of my mouth after his lovely declaration was, "What about Maeve?" The way his body clearly stiffened at the sound of her name, I almost regretted bringing my insecurities up. 

"What about her?" I was relieved that Spencer didn't seem agitated by my question..just concerned. 

"Spencer, you were, at one point, looking to make her your wife. That means something to me." I let out a breath, falling into him a little, but reluctantly keeping a little distance between us. 

"Yes, there was a time when I wanted that...when I had wanted her. But, those three months I was stuck behind bars, I had more time than I care to admit where I was...lost. I felt like I was losing everything that made me...well, me." He grabbed both of my hands and held them firmly within his own. "And..Maeve was apart of that. I felt I had moved forward without her, and she without me, so we just---we lost sight of each other." I nodded, understanding what he was saying, if only to a degree. 

"So, you both..fell out of love with each other?" For a shrink, I suddenly realized just how stupid of a question that truly was. Spencer let out a breathy chuckle, situating himself under me some more. 

"Not...exactly. Um, I don't know, Y/N. I just---I no longer care for her in that way. I still am very fond of her, and care for her as a friend. But, that's it. I know I'm no longer in love with her." He turned his face towards mine, letting our noses brush together ever so softly. 

Feeling cheeky, I dared to ask my next question. "So...who exactly are you in love with, Dr. Reid?" I unattached one of my hands from his, grasping it to guide him just where I wanted him. The second I felt his fingertips touch me, I wanted nothing more than to be devoured by him right then and there. 

"Y/N...you...I--I---fuck!" I felt ecstatic the moment I saw the realization hit him. Like whatever barrier I had been keeping up in between us was finally coming down. I felt a finger of his tease my entrance, his lips ghosting over my neck and face, before fanning my own with his hot breath. I gripped his face with both my hands anchoring his jaw down to me, our mouths reacting to each other like magnets. It didn't take long for his tongue to greet mine, both of becoming reacquainted with each other on the roof of his apartment building in the cool of the night. "Wanna..try making it..fuuckk, uh, down to my bedroom?" 

"Can we..?" It was an honest question. As I moved to try and find my footing, Spencer gave me his answer by trailing a path down my throat using his lips and tongue, nipping certain spots here and there with his teeth. When he pulled away, I shuddered at the loss, letting out a whimpered cry which only his ears could hear. I felt his arms cradle me, lifting me clear off his lap as he stood up, carrying me like I weighed nothing. Surprisingly, we still had the blanket draped around us, the heat from our bodies keeping it warm as Spencer began to walk down the fire escape. "Spence..wouldn't it be easier just to go down the stairs?" The man just shook his head, leaning in to steal a kiss. 

"No, the fire escape is right outside my bedroom, see? Besides, I never lock the window and I seem to have misplaced my keys.." I have found myself loving his cute ramblings, but right now, I wanted his mouth to be too busy making me feel good, there'd be no room left for facts or trivial insights. I pulled him in for another heated kiss, guiding his hands to the mounds of my breasts, hoping it wouldn't take him long at all to understand my hint. I soon felt his tongue flick over one of my nipples while the other was being batted around by his fingertips. I let out an uncontrollable moan as he suctioned his lips over my mound, his tongue swirling over every inch it could reach. I could hear his feet hitting each step as we got closer to the window near his bedroom. 

His bedroom. His bed. The same one he shares--no, shared with her. My brain momentarily paused, Spencer's menstruations still pulling sounds out from the back of my throat without my permission. He reaches a hand out to pull it up, whispering to me as we both climbed our way in, meeting each other with a kiss as we crawled onto the bed, his soft fingers already coaxing their way around my folds. "Spence--oh, fuck! Please...pleaseplease.." 

My dress was now hiked up my stomach, leading Spencer to pepper every inch of skin that was exposed to him with butterfly kisses while his fingers continued to rhythmically rub over my clit like an instrument he'd known just how to play for years. I was left to wonder in awe of just how sensual he truly is, feeling the pads of his fingertips brush over the same spot over and over, almost like he knew just how to pull each wanted reaction out of me. "Please...what?" My god. If I wasn't already craving for this man to touch me exactly where I wanted him to, I swear I'd slap the smirk that now adorned his breathtakingly beautiful face. 

Spencer continued to tease me by slowly pumping in and out, my thighs reacting in such a way to make up for the lack of movement I was essentially craving. His mouth gripped over my breast, grazing the sensitive area using careful concentration with his teeth and tongue. As I let out a gasp, I felt his lips pattern their way down past my bellybutton, nearing the area I suddenly wanted him most. I also felt a pained sting of emotions, not wanting to admit that it may not take him long to figure out I'm the last woman any man desires to 'eat out.' Before my voice could find it's way to my kiss-stained lips to protest, my back arched and I let out what could only be described as a mewl. I could tell by the way his tongue felt around like it was following directions on a map that this was something Spencer very much indulged in during sex. And now, I get this man all to myself? It was a thought I still wasn't 100% convinced was true. My thoughts were broken up by the moans he pulled out from me with a flick of his tongue here and a small graze of his teeth there. 

I was still riding out my high when I caught his dopey-eyed expression staring at me. "My god Y/N, you're fucking delicious." He enjoyed it? I opted to hide my surprise as best I could, deciding that sarcasm was my best option. 

"Please...tell me something I don't know." The next words out of his mouth not only surprised me even more, but rendered me forever speechless. 

"I think you'd look even sexier carrying my child." 

Like I said, speechless. I probably looked similar to a fish out of water the way my mouth would open and close, absolutely no sound coming through my teeth. I wanted to tell him to slow down, that having kids right now wouldn't exactly be the smartest decision to make, but some part of me found it ridiculously hot to hear him say that. No man should ever have the right to say words like that in that deep a voice and not expect their lovers to react similarly to how I'm reacting...right now. As I felt Spencer line himself to my entrance, a small part of me thought to mention a 'condom' but also decided that the way he'd feel without one caused me to choose to keep my mouth shut. He looked down at me with glossy eyes, and I swore my heart stopped beating. In that moment, I truly felt the love he had been so hell bent on knowing of...of feeling that way with me. I couldn't help but return the same doe-eyed look back, inching my lower half towards him as my silent plea for him to get on with it. 

"I wonder..." Spencer began as he sunk himself inside me, inch by inch. "..what could possibly make my pussy any prettier?" I was close to choking on my own breath when Spencer's lips crashed onto mine in an impulsive frenzy that left me almost forgetting what he had just stated earlier. 

"I'm so-sorry, yo-yours?" Without missing a beat, he pulled away from me, both with his mouth and his cock, before practically slamming back into me so hard my eyeballs rolled involuntarily to the back of my head as a wave of insurmountable pleasure hit me like a freight truck. 

"Yes. Mine. I bet watching me fill you up to the brim with my cum would do the trick..Wouldn't you agree, baby?" I couldn't find my words, so I just frantically bobbed my head up at him. Just when I thought I didn't have another orgasm teetering inside me, he thrusted within me again, sending a jolt of ecstasy through every nerve I still had. 

"Plleeaasseee, Spencer. I want to cum again. Make me cum with you." I never once thought of myself as the begging type behind the closed doors of the bedroom, but something in being with Dr. Spencer Reid just brought out the slut in me I wasn't even aware of. I clawed my nails down his back, pulling sweet noises from his mouth that I could listen to on repeat forever. 

"Fuuck, baby, haven't you had enough?" I could tell he was close. His movements were staggering, his breath fanned my face wistfully, I almost wished I could die right there. Ironically enough, I still had my wits about me as I managed to deliver a comeback even as Spencer finished inside me, true to his word, filling up every inch of me he could. 

"What can I say?" I'm greedy. I want what's mine, too." And he was. He felt like he was. Like our souls were broken glass, when together, it reflects beautifully in the sunlight. I felt weightless as I stared up at his ceiling, noticing for the first time that there wasn't a single feminine touch left around the room like I imagined there had been. As Spencer's weight collapsed over me, I couldn't help but revel in the moment a little longer. Apparently, neither could he. It'd been over a minute and he still hadn't detached himself from me. "Hey, Spencer? Can you move so I can make it to your bathroom?" Surely he off all guys understand the importance of a woman relieving herself after sleeping together. When I felt him move, it wasn't to allow me movement, but rather, he pulled me in further, wrapping his arms around me like he was protecting me from whatever problems lie just outside his bed. 

"You're not allowed to leave." His voice echoed within his room, a low-sounding hum that reverberated against my skin. 

"I'm not leaving, I just..need to use your bathroom." 

"No. You'll be fine. I just want to stay like this a while longer." It was then I realized he still hadn't pulled out. I wanted to relax and allow myself this blissful privilege, but my stupid brain just wouldn't drop the obvious elephant in the room. 

"You never, um, thought about it? I mean, not even once? With her?" I hoped Spencer caught my drift without needing me to spell it out for him. He had to of known how it felt, us sleeping together in the same bed he's shared with Maeve for so long. I felt him shake his head against me, brushing his nose along my jawline. 

"Not to that extent." I paused. I had been ruffling my fingers through his insanely tangled locks, before stilling my movements at his words. I swallowed a loud gulp as I dug up all the courage I felt I had to ask him what's truly been weighing on my mind since he breathed out those words to me. 

"Was it all true? Did you mean it?" I needed to know. Did he want kids? With me? We hadn't exactly been on more than one date..a date we were still technically in the middle of. Still balls deep inside of me, Spencer rolled us both over, a look in his eyes making me want nothing more than to reach out and pinch him, hoping he was real. 

"Y-yeah, I did. I mean it, Y/N. I love you." I leaned forward to relish in a sloppy, loving kiss, knowing that for the first time in a long while, I was truly happy to have been assigned to be his therapist all those weeks ago. 

"Good, Dr. Reid." I said as I nudged his adorable nose with mine. "Because I feel like I'm falling for you even more." 

\-------♥--------


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer and Reader go out with Maeve and Emily. Kids are discussed. Maeve and Emily come to an understanding. Spencer and Reader each has a surprise for the other.

\-------♥--------

\- One Year Later - 

Three minutes.

That's how long the instructions say you have to wait to see whether or not you have a live being growing inside of you. So, here I am, sitting on the bathroom floor inside our three-bedroom house, wondering how I want to tell Spencer, assuming I don't see the word 'Not' above 'Pregnant.' 

There's no reason for me to feel so anxious about this. This past year has been incredible, really. At first, I had truly felt it was all a dream, and that Spencer would go back to Maeve. It turned out that Spencer wasn't the only one who felt their relationship shift. As shocking as it is, Maeve and I have even become good friends. She told Spencer and I, together, that she and his boss, Emily, were now an item. Spencer and Maeve slowly became friends, too, as time moved on. 

Which is why is was normal for the four of us to meet every once in a while out at the local coffee shop. Which is where Spencer and I are due to meet our friends in just a little over an hour. Not panicking. I realized it'd been well over the three minute mark, so I reluctantly leaned over to peer at the stick still sitting in the dixie cup. It warmed my heart to a lukewarm degree to see only one word instead of two. 

-

"Ready, doll?" Spencer's soothing voice pulled me out of my foggy head long enough to notice the concerned look on his face. I wanted to blurt it out to him, right then and there, but I held back, biting my lower lips out of habit. "Y/N, is something wrong?" I snapped my eyes to meet his, hoping that maybe those golden irises could tell me what my dumb brain couldn't. That's when I remembered I still hadn't answered his questions. 

"Oh, uhh, yeah, I am," I spurted out, doing my very best to compose myself as if Spencer couldn't already see right thru every inch of me, just like he always has ever since he first laid eyes on me in my office. "No--nothing's wrong, Spence. I promise." I made sure to steady myself before looking him in the eyes once more. My insides still crumbled, thankful my exterior remained solid as his eyes raked over my body. As if he assumed he knew me all too well, Spencer pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, leaning down just enough to whisper his feelings into my ear. 

"I love you...so much, Y/N." Every part of me turned to jelly at his soft words. I wondered if maybe it would be worth it to wait. Would he appreciate whatever cute idea I come up with between now and then? I hope so, 'cause in that moment, I decided to remain silent on the new discovery, as if it's a secret meant only for me. I hummed at his admission, nestling my head deeper into his chest. I loved how he always seemed to smell of cinnamon and old spice. "C'mon, I want to get the good corner booth before someone takes it." 

-

I took a beat to appreciate the scene before me. Maeve and Emily are not-so-subtly holding hands under the table while each gesturing with their free hands, with Spencer equally gesturing with both of his. All three of them have smiles on their faces that never seem to falter in between bites of donuts and sips of coffee. I cradled my own cup gently in my hands just simply admiring the picturesque in front of me. Just as I felt Spencer's arm nudge mine, I hear Maeve ask me something that startled me to the point of almost spilling my coffee. "So, Y/N, have you and Spencer talked about having kids?" I did, however, choke a little on my drink, thankful Spencer chose to carefully pat me on the back while also giving Maeve a look. 

"Maeve, babe, that's really none of our business..." Emily tried to help the situation in the only way she seemed to know how. I narrowed my eyes at both women, trying hard to determine if the profiler knew, too, or just the ex-girlfriend. 

"No, Emily, it's fine," I nonchalantly waved my hand in front of me, hoping to convey that no hard feelings were had just then. "Um, that's um, actually it's---" Before I could babble any longer and potentially spill the beans about the fact that I just found out I'm pregnant, Spencer came swiftly to my rescue. 

"We haven't actually discussed it." I turned my head slightly, hoping I didn't hear any reservance in his words. He was telling the truth, though. We hadn't talked about it. Well, not seriously, anyway. Now, I'm suddenly frozen at the fact that we do need to have a relatively serious conversation about being parents. "But, when we do, it should be just between me and Y/N, right?" He was giving Maeve and Emily a pointed look. Both nodded their heads in response. Still didn't stop them from giving me odd looks during the rest of our lunch. Before we could divide up the bill that came our way, Spencer's and Emily's phones rang. 

After they each ended their calls, Maeve and I found ourselves on the receiving end of the 'we got a case,' look. Together, we told them 'no worries,' and watched them leave the two of us still sitting in the booth at the coffee shop. "I think you should tell him," Maeve says, out of nowhere. I figured both of them knew, but wasn't entirely convinced...that is, until now. 

"I plan to, um, thanks for not just coming right out and saying it, I--I just found out today, actually." I didn't particularly like that Maeve knew before Spencer, but I strangely trusted that both she and Emily would keep mum about their knowledge around my boyfriend. 

"Emily and I promise not to say anything to him, we just, gosh, Y/N, we're just so happy for you two. Really." And I knew it was the truth. Any understandably harsh feelings between she and Spencer had evaporated as they talked more and knew for sure that they had made the right choice when choosing to separate now well over a year ago. 

Just before we equally footed the bill and were about to go our separate ways, I asked Maeve a question I'd been dying to ask since I first sat down. "Maeve, um, do you think surprising Spencer with the news would be a good idea?" 

•••

What a year this has been. I still can't believe the hand I have now is even better than the one I once feared I was being dealt the day Spencer went to prison. Back then, I felt like my world was crumbling around me, leaving me with nothing solid to hang onto. That's when I first got to know Emily. Like, really got to know her. She'd been such a rock during those thirteen weeks, I surely would've wilted away if it hadn't been for her. 

Even back then, I could feel Spencer's and my romantic relationship coming undone. Our bodies no longer cared to keep rediscovering each other. Intimacy felt more like a chore than a welcoming release. Hell, Emily was who I confided in whenever things kept going south with Spencer. Now, I realized that, in reality, I was using her, and it wasn't right of me to have done that. Even though she has since forgiven me, I try to keep showing her just how eternally grateful for her I really am. 

It was now past 7:00 p.m. Emily was due back here at my place any minute now. Unlike Spencer and Y/N, we were taking this relationship of ours rather slow in comparison. However, after discovering that our friends were due to be parents soon, I couldn't help but wonder if kids were something on Emily's mind at all, or if she felt she wasn't cut out to be a mom. 

The truth was that there was a time, years ago, where I would have been over the moon after finding out I was pregnant with Spencer Reid's child. I don't think I could have contained it as gracefully as Y/N had seemed to. On the other hand, since being with Em, I've often found myself browsing through profiles of children who are in want of being adopted. Having biological children isn't exactly on my need-to-do list in life. But, I find myself wanting to be a mom still high on that list. 

I was immersed in my own train of thought that I hardly registered the knocking at my front door. "Coming!" I raised my voice, suddenly realizing I hadn't made or even ordered any dinner for the two of us. Luckily, Em seems to know me better than I feel I know myself, sometimes. 

"Did someone say pizza and beer?" I ushered her inside, taking the six-pack from her while we both set them aside on the counter of my kitchen island. I gladly inhaled the aroma of my favorite: hawaiian pizza, with pepperonis, ham, and pineapple bits. Paired together with beer and it was a match made in blissful heaven. "Maeve, sweetie...everything okay?" It didn't surprise me that she'd recognize the same look in my eyes I had when I came to her time and time again before. 

"It's nothing, Em," I sighed, taking a swig of my beer. "I just---I couldn't help but daydream a little after finding out that Y/N is actually expecting." I mused, fingering the rim of my bottle while shoving a bite of pizza in my mouth. Emily chuckled a little, taking a sip of her own. 

"Old habits sure die hard." I felt her hands ghost over my ribs, her lips meeting my neck in a delicate manner, causing my eyelids to flutter shut. Before I felt my breath being literally taken away, I spoke in between moans. 

"Is that so--something you'd, um..fuck..want, someday? You know? Kids?" Emily had finished peppering my throat with gorgeous marks that will surely be bruises by morning. I turned my head back, making sure she understood the subtle seriousness I needed from her. 

"Kids? Me? You mean...us?" Too much, too soon, I scolded myself. I wished I could backtrack, maybe simply mention how truly happy I've been since the events that took place last year. Events that, while I didn't know it at the time, have brought me to exactly where I feel I want to be. At least, in the romantic sense. 

"I---I don't--um, I mean, let's just forget I brought it up," I hurried, trying to shove past my emotions, hoping that Em would take the hint. Should've known she wouldn't. 

"Maeve!" Emily held me at my shoulders, softly caressing the fabric there that felt itchy all of a sudden. "Kids are definitely something I'd give considerable thought to having," she let out a sigh, attempting to weave her fingers through my hair, something she discovered early on that gave me instant pleasure. "I mean, there was a time in my life, too, when I thought I had met the man who might have given me that..." Emily spun me around to face her, the look in her eyes made me feel something I hadn't in such a long time. "But, yeah, with you, I can definitely see the two of us raising a couple kids together." A smile split my face as I pulled Em in for a sloppy, beer-tasting kiss. Just as we were slowly making our way down the hall to my bedroom, I stifled a small giggle before whispering my next thoughts straight into her ear. 

"Is that a promise?" 

•••

Lunch with Y/N, Emily, and Maeve was nice, but felt..off. Almost like there was something all the women knew, and I just didn't. But, I felt like I should. As much as I tried to resist the feeling, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the possibility that Y/N was having second thoughts about...me, about...us. 

Before she could leave, I stopped Emily at the elevators, hoping that maybe she could give me some insight as to what was going to with my girlfriend earlier today. "Hey, Emily, got a second?" She smiled up at me as we both walked into the elevator. 

"Yeah, Spence, what's on your mind?" Loaded question. 

"Is there something I should know about...with Y/N?" I watched as Emily's smile faded, a look of soft concern now in its place. Oh, no. "Emily, if you know something I don't, please, I promise I won't tell her, I just----I can't lose her." I couldn't. This past year has been more than I ever thought possible after getting out of prison. Y/N is everything I want in life and so much more. The fact that Emily was obviously trying to control the apparent urge to laugh at me, only served to make me frown all the more.

"Oh, Spence, I'm sorry, I just----" I watched her take in a breath before calmly finishing her thought. "Y/N is totally in love with you. I promise you she's not going anywhere."

"Then what exactly is going on, Emily? And don't tell me 'nothing,' because I know it's entirely not 'nothing.'" I was ready to bolt and go for the plunge. The small, velvet box has been sitting in the bottom drawer of my desk for the past three months. I felt a familiar weight drop in my stomach, suddenly unsure once more, if I'm the only fool in love, despite Emily's protests. "Just--please, just--just tell me why, for whatever reason, why I can't know?" 

A small smile crept over my superior's face. I didn't want to admit it right away, but the sight of it made me feel a little less like an idiot. "Alright, but do not tell her you managed to pull my leg here, got it, Spence?" I nodded my head expectantly. Emily let out another deep sigh, indicating that she was, in fact, about to let me in on what was going on with Y/N. She leaned in closer, indicating that, even though we were the only two left in the bullpen, she was about to whisper the answer I desperately felt I wanted to hear. "It's a surprise." I scoffed, but allowed her to continue. "Y/N will kill me if I spoil it." The wide smile on her face barely convinced me this was a secret that just might be worth keeping from me...for now. 

"You promise she hasn't said anything about possibly breaking up with me?" I knew it was illogical to ask Emily that question, I mean, she's practically already answered that for me several times now. Still, ever one of my best friends, she chuckles at my idiocy while gently patting me on my back. 

"I promise you, Spencer. Y/N's surprise is a good one." With that, I watched her leave me alone, once again with my raging insecurities. I allowed myself a minute to ponder the conversation that just happened. 

Y/N is totally in love with you. I promise you she's not going anywhere.... I promise you, Spencer. Y/N's surprise is a good one.

My 187 brain mulled over Emily's words as I swiftly walked back to my desk. I opened the bottom drawer, pulled out what I needed, shut it, and walked out with positively brilliant plan formed in my head by the time I reached the elevator, again. 

-

Y/N was in a meeting with her colleagues by the time I got to her office. Perfect. I slipped in using the key she gave me 'for emergencies only.' Her planner wasn't hard to find, the woman not only has it in plain sight on her desk, but also a desktop planner hidden under her laptop with various sticky notes littering the area. I smirked to myself as I penned in - Appointment with the Doctor - 5:30 p.m. - on today's date. I check my watch. 5:18 p.m. Shit. Y/N should be coming back any minute now. I clutched my satchel as I scurried out of her office, locking the door behind me before bolting towards the elevators. 

I took in a deep breath, hearing a door open and the clicking of heels walking suspiciously towards Y/N's office. I peered over the corner to watch her walk inside, closing the door behind her. This is it, Spencer. I could feel the box burning a hole in my pocket, so I took it out, placing it in my satchel, instead. Less obvious, that way. I needed a plan. I took a moment to mull it over before settling on being spontaneous. I'm still not sure why, since I'm aware it's not really in my nature. Before I could overthink it any longer, I found myself in front of her door, knocking on the wood with my fist. 

"George? Did you forget something?" I heard Y/N call out. George? Wait, it's probably just someone from her meeting. Keep it together, Spencer! I hear the familiar shuffling of her feet, then the turning of the knob. "George, we already talked about th--Spencer?!" That's when I saw it. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were darting around, looking at anything but mine, and her lips..fuck, they looked swollen and pink. Whoever this George is, I suddenly hated him with every fiber of my being. 

Part of me should have just shut the door in front of her and walked away, but I came here because I am so stupid-in-love with this woman and that means staying, if only to hear her explanation, which I sure hope she has. I took her silence as my cue to take my once usual seat in the lone chair across from her desk. I kept my eyes glued to the floor near my feet, afraid that if I dared a glance up into her eyes, I'd lose all my nerve. In a breath just above a whisper, I muttered, "Who's George?" Giving other the benefit of the doubt is something I'm still working on, but hopefully Y/N sees that and takes it when offered. 

"Just a dick of a man I am required to share pleasantries with twice a year." I couldn't help myself. I chuckled, darkly, at her, not even caring that I was displaying a tad bit of hurt along with it. She noticed. Of course, she noticed. 

"For the record, I already reported his ass to H.R.," Y/N said, slowly coming up behind me. I felt her hands on my shoulders, her nails digging deliciously into my dress shirt. "Now, Dr. Reid, tell me, what can I help you with?" She began massaging my back near my shoulder blades, kneading the area with her thumbs. I was losing my resolve a lot quicker than I anticipated. 

"I--I have this, um, problem, you see." The second the words left my mouth, I felt another problem arising. My eyes went wide as I felt Y/N's teeth ever-so-harshly scrape across the nape of my neck. Her breath tickled the tiny hairs there as she spoke in between pecks. 

"Oh..? A problem? Do tell." Just by the tone in her beautiful voice, I could tell she was eyeing the tent in my pants from behind where I sat. Before I found the nerve to try and gain back, at least, some control, Y/N moaned directly into my ear, causing my eyelids to flutter shut in response. That woman knew me all too well, and will definitely be the death of me one day. "Is that--do I detect a new cologne on you, Spencer?" Fuuucck. Y/N knows that I only use anti-perspirant, and maybe a certain aftershave, but never cologne. In my haze, though, I became delirious and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. 

"Nn--noo, just the---fuck, yeah, the um, just the usual, you know?" I revelled in the way my insides felt as she dragged her teeth along my jawline. It's amazing what little teasing she had to do to unravel me before her. 

"I was thinking..maybe we should try something--" I'm an idiot. Just to clarify. But, I am a hopelessly devoted idiot who knew that if I let Y/N coax me into ravenging her in her own office, no less, what I wanted to do, well it would've had to wait. And I couldn't wait much longer. 

"My problem is that I'm dangerouslyinlovewithmytherapist." I felt her still above me, pulling her lips away, standing up to walk around to face me. Y/N didn't know what my endgame was here, and, if I remember Emily's words correctly, Y/N has an endgame all her own. I just wanted to beat her to the punch, first. It's the gentleman thing to do. 

"Spence, I don't see that being a problem." Her smile made my entire body melt to a puddle before her. I would die a happy man if her smile is the last thing I ever see on this earth. I dared to look Y/N in the eyes, already noting that to be a big mistake. She was far too enchanting for her own good. 

"Well, see, um, the problem is I've been desperately in love with her for, well, over a year now--" 

"A year?" Y/N fake gasps. I froze the moment she cut me off, curious to see just what her angle was. This was much like a game of chess. Each of us dying to spill a big secret to the other, hoping our secret will take the cake. I can already taste the chocolatey goodness as I subconsciously licked my lips at the thought. "Well, then I think you should marry her." 

"Wha--what?" My heart started pounding uncontrollably deep in my chest. A small part of me wondered if she could hear it everytime it happened. It took me far too long to fully comprehend the words that only just passed her lips, that by the time I understood, Y/N was grabbing my face in her hands, placing gentle, erotic kisses all over my face and neck. 

"I said," she purred against my adam's apple just before taking a bite, "I-" kiss on my neck "Think-" kiss along my jawline "You-" kiss to the spot right below my ear "Should" kiss to my cheek "Marry-" kiss to my nose "Me." As she pulled away, I grabbed a fistful of her hair, slamming our lips together in a frenzied kiss I'd only been daydreaming about since she first asked me about my problem. 

"Y/N, baby, I love you so much, please." Gone were the sappy words I have practically practiced in front of the mirror for the past couple weeks. I bent down to flip the flap of my satchel open, burying my hand inside until my fingers grazed the velvet that was keeping her gift safe. Once I removed it from its hiding place, I carefully fell to my knees, lifting one up in the traditional manner. Fuck it. I cleared my throat, hoping the sappy-puppy look I know my eyes give off would be enough to convince this goddess of a woman to willingly be mine, forever. "Will you marry me?" I opened up the box to display the ring I knew was hers the moment I laid my eyes on it. 

The silence in the air between us was deafening, that much I knew. Y/N's lips pursed in thought, and I hoped with all I could muster that she was already imaging what she'd look like as a bride. When she answered me, her choice of one word would've notably broke my heart in two...if I didn't know her any better. 

"No."

I have never been so happy to have a clear understanding of sarcasm, than I do right now. The laughter than erupted from her mouth could cure any ailling I'll ever endure. When we both caught a break in our mutual amusement, I decided to push my luck a bit. It was only fair after the clear display I had found her in earlier. "You're leaving me for George, aren't you?" I felt a light smack to my cheek. The smirk I had on my face should tell her I saw it coming. The seriousness in her eyes as they met mine abruptly stopped me dead in my tracks. 

"Fuck no! Spencer, I love you, too, but, I do have some conditions." Conditions. There was a word I was unsure about. 

"Like what?" I carefully watched as she placed one hand under my chin, lightly gripping it as if she felt I would make a run for it. Little does she know I am but puddy in her hands. I felt her other hand rest mere inches above the curve of my butt. It was almost pitiful to admit even to myself just how much I wished she'd move her hand just a little bit lower. 

"Well, for one, you need to promise me you're not going to go away for three long months, leaving me alone to wither away without you." Watching Y/N's eyes water in front of me made my heart crack. Carefully, I raised my hand up so that the pad of my thumb could wipe any and all sadness away. I knew the implication she was getting at, however, the truth was that we both knew I'm still years away from leaving this job. A job I can only hope never leaves her alone and me six feet under. 

"Understandable." I visibly gulped at the way her hand twitched under my chin. Slowly, she leaned in closer, and for a brief moment, I thought that was the end of her reasoning. I was wrong. 

"And..I want to trust that you take extra special care of my heart, Spencer Walter Reid." Y/N said, pointedly, knowing we were both risking our hearts here, with each other, for each other. "Because, if you don't, believe me, I will murder you myself." Honestly, dying at her hand would be a spectacular way to go, especially if my dumb ass deserved it. I dared to close the gap between us just a little more, barely brushing my lips across hers. 

"Y/N, I will never stop showing you just how much of an idiot I am...only for you." With that, she pulled me in, crashing our mouths together in a battle of teeth and tongues. Her hand on my chin fell to my hip, both hands now reaching below my belt. I knew she was only teasing me, something I knew to tuck away in my mind to bring up later. 

"Ask me again." I almost missed her faint words as I swallowed each syllable while she spoke. Reluctantly, I pulled away, satisfied with how little I had to do to keep her wanting more. I rested my forehead against hers, opening my eyes so that I would hopefully not miss a single movement in hers as I asked her one last time. 

"Y/N, will you do me the highest honor of being my queen?" Y/N pretended to ponder her answer for a second before pulling me in for another soul-blossoming kiss. Her voice fanned my ear, tickling it as she whispered.

"See...that was better." My lips broke out into a teeth-baring smile, happy that my now fiancee was here with me, promising to stay by my side for better or worse. "Yes, Spencer, a thousand times, yes!" She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me into a hug that felt like home. "Now, I have a small present for you, my king." What? A present? For me?

"A present?" I squeaked, my voice clearly coming out a note or two higher than my normal tone. Y/N just giggled, moving to walk over to her desk, pulling out a gift-wrapped box out of her bottom drawer. Great minds definitely think alike. She brings it over to me, urging me to sit back down while she situates herself on my lap. 

"Hmm, just open it." I decided she shouldn't have to tell me twice. I found the tape, peeling at the noisy material until it was all crimpled on the floor, a plain white box now in my hand. I lifted the lid up, peeking to see what was inside. Y/N took the top from me, tossing it on the floor with the rest of the trash. She pulled from the box an infant onesie with the saying 'My parents met in Therapy. I'm the result.' written across it. My eyes did a double-take. Then, a triple-take, just to be sure. 

"Y/N--I--you, but...are you serious?" My fiancee nodded her head, happy tears streaming from her gorgeous eyes. She won. I bent my head down to plant a precious kiss to her stomach, knowing now that she's growing a tiny human inside her. A baby. Our baby. 

"One last condition." Y/N cleared her throat, pulling me from my place near her belly. Whatever she had to say, I would agree to in a heartbeat. I'm going to be a daddy. Nothing more than what I have right now would make me happier. 

"Anything." I said with all the resounding love in the world. 

"We are never sending our child to therapy." 

\-------♥--------


End file.
